With all the negative publicity swarming like bitey insects about Ronald McDonald’s ghoulish coulaphobia-inducing visage, how is McDonald’s managing to turn around its sagging profit margins? It’s not from selling salads to hippies. It’s not from setting up a Corporate Responsibility Blog. It’s largely by a return to basics: selling delicious, greasy double cheeseburgers for a buck apiece.
mcdonalds
A McDonald’s Malfeasance Fairytale
By 4.25.06
From the San Jose Mercury News on McDonald’s new campaign to improve its image
Ronald McDonald Vs. Evil Grimace
By 4.19.06
We’ve mentioned McDonald’s Grimace before, describing him as “gigantic, anthropomorphic taste bud, loathsomely pulsating through McDonaldland with an unslakeable thirst for frosty, gelatinous ooze.” We also mentioned that he used to be evil and initially had small arms.
Chipotle Serves Man With Broken Pinata of a Burrito
By 4.11.06
Daniel reports receiving a very flawed Chipotle burrito for lunch today. The preparers failed to strain the liquid in his salsa, causing his burrito to ‘flood.’ Despite ‘visual communication of disappointment,’ the handlers sent it for wrapping.
McDonald’s Implements New, Very Far Away, Drive Through Order Technology
By 4.11.06
Mickey Dee’s is adding a twist to the garbly voice sneaking through the drive through loudspeaker. The person on the other end isn’t even inside the restaurant you’ve pulled up to, they’re in Hawaii Santa Maria, California.
McDonald’s Pays For Teenagers Funerals
By 4.6.06
Companies need to learn that legions of PR weasels, global corporate responsibility initiatives and millions of dollars worth of marketing often make us think even less of them than we did to begin with. We’ve seen enough of it by now that when McDonald’s or Wal-Mart start launching major campaigns to prove to the world how gosh darn lovable, kind and benevolent they are, we see it for what it is: obsequious Eddie Haskel mode until we look away long enough for them to start their trouble-making again. The small human gestures companies make are usually worth a lot more.
Remainders
By 4.4.06
eBay Auction: $51 for $50 McDonald’s Coupon Book
By 3.31.06
You know, we’ve always gotten the feeling that things purchased on eBay actually cost more than if you bought them locally. But to what degree exactly do you need to slope your head to have your liquified gray matter start slopping out of your ear to purchase a McDonald’s coupon book (value: fifty dollars) for fifty-one dollars off of eBay? That’s not including shipping and handling.
Supersize Me Star Apologizes, Resolves to Eat Nothing But Own Words for 30 Days
By 3.29.06
Morgan Spurlock, the filmmaker who ate nothing but douche-bags for his Oscar-nominated documentary Supersize Me– wait, we’re sorry, that should read “ate nothing but McDonald’s meals” – issued an apology for defamatory remarks he may made while addressing a school assembly last Friday.
Morgan Spurlock Ridicules Indians And “Retards” To Delight Of Students
By 3.27.06
Morgan Spurlock, jackass:
McDonald’s Spicy Chicken Gets Hosed
By 3.21.06
McDonald’s pulled a “guerilla” stunt to promote its new spicy chicken sandwich. As shown, a boring billboard was sprayed down with by a fireman with a hose from a fire truck.
Happy Shamrock Shake Day!
By 3.17.06
To get you in the mood for the emerald-green, snake-thwacking debauchery of this Guinness-drenched day, a brief endorsement from our sponsor, McDonald’s.
McDonald’s Employees Eat Better Food Than Us
By 3.16.06
McDonald’s employees, tired of eating the nigh-inedible offal which they slop out to customers day after day, have formed a Livejournal community dedicated to sharing with one another the culinary delights they have created for themselves with McDonald’s ingredients in a McDonald’s kitchen. Amazingly, a lot of it looks pretty good…
McDonald’s Shady Anti-Spurlock Countermeasures
By 3.14.06
We hate Morgan Spurlock. Hate hate hate hate hate him. We swear to Buddha, 90% of this video of Mortal Kombat 3 fatalities is what would happen to him if John Brownlee ever, ever got his massive, Incredible-Hulk-like hands on the greasy little turd. The last 10% of the video — the part featuring Mortal Kombat 3’s Babalities — is what would happen if Ben Popken ever got the small, playdough-like lumps of his pudgy toddler’s fists on Spurlock. Such is our rage.
