• This MickyDee’s didn’t realize that giving away free wi-fi didn’t mean just selling more milkshakes to kids playing Super Yoshi’s Disco Poophouse against each other, it also attracted homeless bloggers. You can’t have your honey-slathered butter biscuit and eat it too. [The Homeless Guy] “McDonalds: The Evil Empire Strikes”
mcdonalds
The News; Whiskered, Stone Ground Finish
By 7.12.06
• For a dollar under a hundred, you can get the trifecta of Comcast fuckover! [CT] “Comcast offers bundled service for $99 a month”
The News; The Devil Wears Ketchup
By 6.28.06
• Congressmen shocked and outraged to find porn on internet. [NYT] “Internet Companies Divided on Plan to Fight Pornography”
Fast Food Joints Breed Carrion-Spreading Superflies
By 6.19.06
When I was a child, I once accidentally hit Ronald McDonald with a silver crucifix I was whizzing hyperactively about my head. I remember very clearly the Catholic totem flying through the air; the sizzle and smell of sulfur as it impacted upon Ronald’s ghoulish visage. Immediately, half his face sloughed off his skull in the oozing liquefaction of corpse-like flesh. The next thing I knew, every child in McDonaldland was sitting in an expanding puddle of their own hysterical evacuations as Ronald McDonald (aka Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies) disintegrated into an anthropomorphic cloud of carrion-carrying flies. Forget Morgan Spurlock, forget Fast Food Nation. That was the event that turned me off McDonald’s food forever.
The Anti-McDonald’s Advergame Game Punks Kotaku!
By 6.6.06
Imagine if this happened: at a British gaming conference, the director of McDonald’s nascent video game division divulges that their first project for the chain was to program a fast food empire simulator to help train management. However, during beta testing of the game, McDonald’s green-friendly game programmers become more and more disturbed as McDonald’s managers time and time again trigger global armageddon within the game. Consequently, McDonald’s Interactive publicly calls its parent corporation a bunch of blood thirsty baby murderers and severs their umbilical cord with their righteously gnashing teeth.
Ronald McDonald Goes Calypso
By 6.5.06
Man, Ronald McDonald’s pretty hot underneath all that ghoulish pancake. Another object lesson illustrating why girls shouldn’t wear so much make-up.
And Hold the Hashbrowns!
By 6.2.06
In Cynthia’s letter we find that sometimes, a “Small Breakfast,” can be a big deal.
The News: Sex, Goats and Self-Serve
By 6.1.06
• To turn around sales, Saks 5th to feature fewer fake goats in store. They made the loyal Park Ave goats jealous. [NYT]
McDonald’s Calls Critics Liars
By 5.30.06
Note to McDonald’s: even when the bastards are, it’s generally a pretty poor idea to call your critics liars.
The News: All The Fat That’s Fit To Print
By 5.26.06
• Hasbro cancels plans for line of racy dolls based around ‘Pussycat Dolls,’ switches focus to My First Little Lolita rollout. [NYT]
How Much Corn Is In This Frickin’ McNugget Anyway?
By 5.24.06
I like the Chicken McNugget. Hey, it’s not chicken or anything, but my sole interest in the McNugget is as a flavor carrier of McDonald’s brand sweet and sour sauce. I love that stuff. It is for that sauce — looking oh-so-remarkably like the output of a mewling newborn — that I can never bring myself to order any similar gobble-sized chicken parts from Burger King or the like. Their “chicken tenders” (in case you never noticed, a creative marketing euphemism for “chicken genitalia”) may taste better than the McNugget, but that pink, orange-flecked sweet and sour sauce is an abomination.
Fast Food Nation Trailer Served on a Toasted Bun
By 5.19.06
A dramatization of Fast Food Nation, the NYT bestseller expose of the inside sluice gate of the expedited meal industry, is due out this fall and the trailer looks pretty tasty.
George Costanza Pimps The McDLT
By 5.18.06
Jason Alexander really does turn-in the most enthusiastic performance of his career as he desperately hustles to get you to buy an innovative new McDonald’s sandwich, the McDLT. Keep your hot side hot, your cold side cold! He dances, he sings, he shucks and jives!
Bah Dah Bah Bah Bahh, I’m Renovating It
By 5.6.06
McDonald’s is going to makeover its entire line of restaurants, in a bid to “stay forever young.” The look takes cues from its classic components, like arches and a “sunny” vibe, combined with modernistic curves and re-imagined seating areas.
