Since the Beatles are notorious for refusing to release their music online, the mere fact that BlueBeat.com was selling them was kind of strange, which probably explains why EMI just sued them for copyright infringement. But BlueBeat has come up with a perfectly reasonable explanation. The songs aren’t really Beatles songs, you see, but “psycho-acoustic simulations” and therefore original works.
crazy
Pizza Hut Manager Attacks Old Man
By 10.5.09
A 27-year-old Pizza Hut manager in Winnipeg, Manitoba, went bonkers last Friday and dragged a 76-year-old customer to the ground over a payment dispute. The manager was arrested, and the customer returned the next afternoon to dine, because he is afraid of nothing.
Man Sues Bank Of America For $1.78 Trillion Billion Dollars
By 9.25.09
Dalton Chiscolm has sued Bank of America and its board, and wants “1,784 billion, trillion dollars” in return for being subjected to what the judge describes as “inconsistent information from a ‘Spanish womn’ [sic]” as well as allegedly misrouted checks. In addition, Chiscolm wants another $200,164,000 in damages. We’re not sure why that amount is separate, but who knows how a mind like Chiscolm’s works?
Let's All Judge Britney Spears' AMEX Bill
By 9.23.09
TMZ has obtained documents from Britney Spears‘ court case that include her AMEX expenses for the first 11 months of her conservatorship. Let’s take a look…
Walmart Security Guards Go John McClane On Armed Thief
By 9.23.09
In a head-scratching display of bravery combined with an alarming willingness to place surely poor-paying jobs above their personal safety, Walmart security guards captured an armed assailant who tried to rob the Pennsylvania store.
"Don't Copy That 2" Might Scare You Straight, If You Have Never Heard Music Or Seen A Video
By 9.18.09
At first we thought this was a new Black Eyed Peas video, but then we watched from the beginning and realized that it’s actually an attempt to convince you that you should not copy that. Our favorite bit starts at the 2:24 mark, when the little girl’s criminal activity leads to government agents bashing down the door to her house and attacking her poor mama.
Will Anyone Buy My 1300 Chinese Pope Hats?
By 9.14.09
One of the fun side-effects of Craigslist is that the lack of an editorial gatekeeper means it lets the crazy blossom. The newspaper Telegraph has assembled 20 of what they consider the wackiest Craigslist ads, including over 1300 Pope hats (sorry, they’re just replicas), diapers for incontinent dogs, and 300 stuffed penguins. Naturally we assume every one of them is really about sex, but maybe we’re being too jaded about Craigslisters.
Repair Shop Saves Brett-Favre-Themed Goat From Certain Slaughter
By 8.24.09
It’s lucky for a Brett-Favre-themed goat that the car broke down, otherwise he’d have probably been slaughtered, says the Winona Daily News. A woman driving a Chevy Malibu came into the Winona, MN Tires Plus last Friday asking if they could replace a belt. She then informed the employees that there was a live goat in the trunk that she planned to slaughter later.
Southwest Customer Exposes Self, Punches Another Passenger, Then Strips Naked
By 8.21.09
Here’s an issue you probably didn’t expect to run into on your flight from Oakland to Las Vegas. According to the SF Chronicle, a man exposed himself, then punched a passenger who screamed. After that, he decided to strip naked and resist while flight attendants and other passengers subdued him. The flight was turned around and both the man and the woman he punched were taken to the hospital. They apparently don’t know each other, and the man is wanted on drug charges.
Crazy Landlord Fights Heat Wave With Air Conditioning Ban
By 8.2.09
An Oregon landlord refuses to let his tenants install air conditioners because he thinks they “look tacky.” Tenants of the Arbor Creek complex in Aloha who choose to sacrifice aesthetics for comfort have ten days to correct their mistake before facing eviction. One tenant’s kid already landed in the hospital thanks to heat stroke.
Minister For Hire Walks Out On Wedding
By 7.31.09
If you’re in Ohio and hire Gillian Kresila to officiate your wedding, you’d better not disobey her no-alcohol rule or you’ll be sorry. Kresila discovered that the 23-year-old bride, Erin Kuhns, had toasted her magic day with a glass of wine, and she walked out on the wedding a few minutes before it was scheduled to start.
Etsy Fraudster Goes After Beadmakers Who Got Her Banned
By 7.27.09
A woman named Ullja Kuntze was booted from Etsy after word got around that she was buying handmade beads and reselling them as her own. Her original Etsy pages read, “All my beads are made by me in my private glass studio in Milan Italy.” Kuntze was actually doing business from Waco, Texas, and now that legitimate beadmakers have gotten her kicked off of Etsy and Artfire, she’s trying to get their own websites shut down under false spam accusations, and/or get them investigated by the IRS for tax fraud.
Target Still Doing Business In A Reality Vortex
By 7.21.09
Loyal Consumerist readers may have noticed that we haven’t made any recent posts in our widely acclaimed series of posts about how discount retailer Target is insane. Has Target sought help and found its way back to reality? No. We were just saving up material.
Buy A Car, Get A Free AK-47
By 7.17.09
The logo at Mark Muller’s dealership is… an old west caricature pointing two pistols at those who pass by. He said it’s a nod to what he calls “big city” ways. “We really are different than the big city dealers.”
Target Saves You Money In Ways You Can Only Imagine
By 5.19.09
Target continues its rebranding as the Duchamp of retail stores, with this receipt that indicates savings where no savings ever existed. Or perhaps multi-dimensional savings; we can’t pretend to know what Target sees when it stares into the void. Mark notes, “The cookies were on sale, as indicated. The cascade, I had a coupon for it to be free. Total savings should be $4.23. The receipt says $7.37. Maybe it’s a conspiracy since it is the Love Field (near the airport) in Dallas where Southwest flies only 737s.” That’s as good an explanation as any, Mark. Maybe you should work for Target?
AIG To Use Bailout Cash To Pay $165 Million In Bonuses. Yes, Seriously
By 3.15.09
So, those guys at AIG who underwrote trillions of dollars worth of credit default swaps backed by securitized mortgages? The ones the Times says were “at the very heart of A.I.G.’s worldwide conflagration?” They’re taking $165 million of our bailout money for bonuses. Because if we don’t pay them, these people—described by AIG’s government-appointed Chairman Ed Liddy as the “best and brightest talent”—will apparently leave to go ruin some other country’s financial system, and we can’t have that. Liddy acknowledged that the bonuses were “distasteful and difficult” before saying that he had “grave concern about the long-term consequences” of not paying up.
McDonald's Apologizes To 911 Nugget Lady
By 3.4.09
We’ve made it pretty clear that we don’t condone Latreasa Goodman’s attempt to use 911 to report a McNugget Emergency, but in all fairness to Goodman, she was being shafted by the lying, uncooperative McDonald’s employee who said “all sales final” and refused to refund her money. McDonald’s has released a statement where they own up to their role in escalating things in the first place, and they’re sending her a free meal gift card as well as the refund she originally requested. Now she can enjoy a complimentary lunch on the day she goes to plead “no contest” to the judge for abuse of 911.
Woman Calls 911 Three Times Because McDonald's Is Out of McNuggets
By 3.3.09
A Florida woman called 911 three times because the McDonald’s where she was dining ran out of McNuggets.
