There are often questions involved in shoplifting incidents — why that particular product? Or what makes a store employee steal from his or her place of employment? And how come meat seems to be the most popular product one can shove down one’s pants (and again, though sometimes it’s puppies)? More mysteries remain to be solved, I’m afraid.

Police in Croton-on-Hudson, N.Y. have pinned a meaty crime on a supermarket employee, saying the man walked out of work with $1,200 worth of meat stuffed in his pants, reports the Associated Press.

It’s unclear what kind of meat he’s accused of taking, but I am pretty sure at least seven people subsequently made the joke, “Is that $1,200 worth of meat down your pants or are you just happy to see me?” Because what else can you do?

Police have charged the man with fourth-degree grand larceny, after arresting him on Tuesday for the reported theft on Monday. A state police spokeswoman said she’s not sure if his meat excavation involved more than one trip out of the store, or if the jackpot was loaded out in one go.

He’s due back in court on Friday, where he could plead not meaty. Okay, that was a cheap pun, he’s entered no plea as of yet. But when there’s meat in the pants involved, the riffs have to happen. They just have to.

Hang on — forgot about this one, and then we have this meat theft and ah yes, don’t forget to bring home the bacon. In your pants.

POLICE: WORKER HID $1,200 WORTH OF MEAT IN PANTS [Associated Press]

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