Pretty girls, fruit hurtling in windows, giant toasters: it’s like something out of a terrifying hallucination. Only it’s not. These are the terrifying images that those of us who watched Pop-Tart commercials in the ’80s and ’90s are now trying to forget.

There’s this spot from the late ’80s, which should serve as a warning for what happens when you eat strawberry breakfast pastries shortly before going to bed.

Then both Rollerblades and frosted sparkling Pop-Tarts came into existence, so we encountered this horror.

“So hot they’re cool, so cool they’re hot” is the Zen koan of breakfast slogans. What does it mean? That’s for you to ponder only when properly loopy on high fructose corn syrup.

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