Kapil’s brand new Blackberry arrived with a battery that won’t charge. He wants T-Mobile to exchange it, but he says T-Mobile wants to replace it with a refurbished Blackberry instead of a new model. Kapil is fighting back, but even at the executive support level all he’s found are rude, uncooperative T-Mobile employees who keep saying there’s a process, and that someone will call him back—which never happens. Kapil refused to hang up on the fourth day and demanded to know what happens next after nobody calls back, which seemed to confuse and anger the T-Mobile rep he was speaking with. And for those of you who can’t listen in, we’ve transcribed some of the juiciest parts.
funny
Waste Your Saturday With 50 Funny Commercial Parodies
By 5.10.08
Nerve.com has assembled a list of 50 fake commercials for everything from Tylenol BM (you’ll sleep right through your bodily functions!) to the Woomba (it cleans your noony!). There’s even some that don’t involve body parts, like Lily Tomlin’s increasingly agitated housewife hawking “G-r-r-r Detergent” in 1975. Our favorite recent commercial parody that didn’t make the list is probably the Jamie Lee Curtis commercial for Activia, because you can never get enough of women eating yogurt.
CenterPoint Energy Thinks Your Fish Tank Is A Meth Lab, So Police Kick In Your Door
By 4.30.08
You’d think between the reactionary CenterPoint…
CNN Goes Into Apparel Business With Headline T-Shirts
By 4.30.08 — Updated: 10.25.12
Michael wrote in to point out that CNN has a weird new feature on its site—now you can proudly display your favorite, uh, headlines(?) on your body with their “CNN Shirt” service. It’s beta, naturally, and they pick the headlines you can choose from—so no “What drove dad who kept ‘house of horror’?” tee to shame your parents during the next family holiday. (That’s the current top headline on their home page.)
Satire: Home Depot Honors Fallen Veterans With "Memorial Decks"
By 4.25.08
The Onion News Network delivers a mock news sketch where an interview with the mother of a fallen US soldier is interwoven with bald-faced Home Depot ads.
The Future Of Air Travel Fees
By 4.23.08
Minyanville has received a leaked copy of how a US Airways ticket will look after they apply some new fees that are currently under development…
How To Wean People Off Doctors
By 4.18.08
It’s Friday and since no one gives a damn about our groundbreaking Verizon expose, here’s a 1999 Daily Show video where a fake HMO spokesperson played by Paul Mercurio presents his case for “How To Wean People Off Doctors”. To wit: “Giving birth eats up a lot of time, something today’s busy working women don’t have much of. That’s where our next project comes in. Drive-through maternity clinics. Or, as we like to call them, Stop & Pops.” Wasn’t Walmart thinking about installing those this year? Full video inside.
Relevant Headlines From The Onion
By 4.18.08
Southwest Airlines Now Taking Passengers To Destinations By Shuttle BusOprah Launches Own RealitySTOCKWATCH: Family Dollar Store “Even during tough economic times, the sales outlook for Family Dollar Store continues to be strong, principally because their core business, plastic spiders, has proven…
Dear Dumb Ass At Best Buy: Fix These Problems Or I Want My $140 Back
By 4.14.08
This strange little item found its way into our inbox with no explanation or back-story.
Secret Document Reveals How To Be A Taco Bell Superstar!
By 4.14.08
If you, like so many grade-school children, dreamed of one day working at Taco Bell, but worried whether you had the technical aptitude to master their complex procedures and delicate processes, study this Taco Bell insider document, snagged by ANIMAL, and possibly the most scintillating of all the leaked materials we have ever posted, and you’ll have a leg up on all the former i-bankers clamoring for the same position. Flowchart in full glory, inside…
Please Hold, The Terminator Army Will Be With You Shortly
By 4.8.08
I’m working on a Powerpoint to be delivered later this week about “the 5 things you can learn from a Consumerist” and I wanted to share this slide of with you guys. I think it expresses what we all sometimes think is underneath those shiny voices and looping musical medleys: a killbot army that wants to get you off the phone as soon as possible. “It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.”
Buy True Love Online At Harmotrex
By 4.7.08
eHarmony gets sent up in this spoof video made by Consumerist reader Will. True love can be bought on the internet! Settling for less has never been so easy. Transcript inside…
Shipping Is Getting Expensive
By 4.7.08
Emily noticed that the weird puppet crap she was thinking of buying on Ebay would make her PayPal account explode:
I know shipping products can be expensive, what with the rising fuel costs and all, but this shipping charge from the UK to Utah is ridiculous! Maybe the seller’s just padding the fee, I don’t know. 🙂
Bear Stearns Bag Found At Knickknack Shop
By 4.4.08
I spotted a tote bag for Bear Stearns, the investment bank that recently nearly collapsed and JP Morgan Chase purchased, on sale outside a used goods store here in Brookyln. No doubt it was pawned off by one of the many recently liquidated Bear Stearns employees in the New York area (hey, that Tivo doesn’t pay for itself). I didn’t check the price tag, but it was probably more than $10, which is more than can be said for a share of Bear Stearns stock. Note the new Chase bank sign reflected into the store window.
Charles Schwab Sends You A Letter To Let You Know That Your $0.01 Check Expired
By 4.1.08
Commenter annelise13 writes:
My husband and I recently received a letter from Charles Schwab about our account. It refers to a check they sent us last year for the grand total of $.01. Yes, that’s one cent. A single penny. I never cashed the check, having found it funny that they wasted a stamp to send us such a tiny amount. I tacked it up on the fridge for a few months to amuse myself, and eventually tossed it.
Dr Pepper Promises Free Soda For Almost Everyone In US If Axl Rose Will Release "Chinese Democracy" This Year
By 3.27.08
Yeah, it’s a PR stunt—but a funny one, especially because the only two people excluded by Dr Pepper’s pledge are “estranged GNR guitarists Slash and Buckethead.” Someone in the Dr Pepper PR department really likes Axl Rose. Rose says neither he nor his label are in cahoots with Dr Pepper, and that he’d share his drink with Buckethead because “some of Buckethead’s performances are on our album.”
By 3.27.08
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The US Isn’t the only wacky lawsuit country. In China, KFC won a defamation lawsuit filed by an elderly gentleman who accused the fast food chain of damaging his social standing, because he felt their “teadog set meal” implied that he and his grandson had become “dog friends.” [China Daily]
