In commemoration of the death of this casual steakhouse dining facility, we present stand-up comedian Patton Oswalt’s paean to Black Angus’ mouth-pouch-stuffin’ profligacy. The going starts getting good at 0:52. [NSFW, cursing] (Thanks to mookiemookie!)
funny
By 1.16.09
../../../..//2009/01/16/bad-news-this-uterus-has/
Bad news! This uterus has been recalled because it presents a potential choking hazard. [iheartguts.com]
UPS Inadvertently Busts Mail Order Pot Scheme By Delivering Brick Of Marijuana To Wrong Address
By 1.15.09
UPS delivered a package to a Texas man expecting some tools he had ordered. Instead, the man found a 30-pound brick of marijuana.
This Cold Medicine Display Is Perhaps A Little Too Realistic
By 1.14.09
Reader Virginia was shopping at the military commissary on Dyess AFB, TX when she noticed the above pictured display for cold medicine. Everything was fine until she took a closer look at the picture of the baby…
Worst Apartment Rental Ad Ever
By 1.14.09
David sent us the following alleged apartment for rent listing from CraigsList. It’s a shame—I would be more than willing to wear the ID bracelet at all times and submit to unannounced inspections, but that yard is too small to do my prison workout in.
Video: Shuffle Fun Shuffle Shuffle Fun Shuffle Fun Fun Shuffle Fun Fun Shuffle Just Plane Fun!
By 1.13.09
Here’s an internal pep video for Southwest Airlines from the 80’s. It’s got representatives from each part of the company rapping about their roles (do this do that we never get hairy we do it for you because we’re your secretary), with an interstitial chorus singing “Shuffle fun shuffle shuffle fun shuffle fun fun shuffle fun fun shuffle just plane fun” on my elementary schools’ auditorium stage while employees run around in plush airplane costumes. After about 9 minutes of that, it finally culminates in some sort of motivational orgy with singing and jiving and the CEO strutting around and the strobe lights flash and quick edits and a cascade of balloons drops from the ceilings and I can’t take it anymore. I think if I step on a Southwest Airlines plane again I’ll fall to the floor in like a PTSD-induced epileptic seizure… of excellent customer service! Video, inside, if you dare…
Save Over $0 At Toys R Us
By 1.13.09
This sign is accurate. You do save more than nothing at all if you buy this reduced-price Batmobile.
By 1.9.09
../../../..//2009/01/09/heres-one-mans-poignant-amazon/
Here’s one man’s poignant Amazon review of how “The Secret” changed his life. We take back any skepticism we had about it. [Amazon] (Thanks to Smashville!)
Snuggies And ShamWows Beseige Nation's Cheap Airwaves
By 1.9.09
The economy is ‘sploding so that means it’s infomercial mating season. Prices for airtime are dropping as bigger advertisers pull their spots, so the Billy Mays of the world are now getting slots during 30 Rock commercial breaks. At the same time, more people are watching TV because they don’t have money to go out and it helps anesthetize them to the pain of reality. Thus, the rise of the ShamWow and the Snuggie, a super slurping sponge cloth, and a blanket with arms, respectively. Let’s take a closer look.
Wal-Mart Taunts you with 200% Sale
By 1.6.09
that product you wanted? It was only one dollar. Back in the past. When you didn’t buy it. Are you ashamed? Do you harbor rage against it? Does it keep you up at night? Don’t let it get in your heads, Consumerists, or you’re letting the Wal-Mart win! Fight back, Consumers! Fight back against their mind games, and their awkward notion of sales, in one fell swoop; shop elsewhere. Thanks, Bryan!
Acer's Secret Business Model Somehow Involves Envelopes
By 1.5.09
To date I’ve received one batch of five flat pacs [and] one batch of seventeen flat pacs. Each flat pac has three restoration discs (for a total of 66 discs), none of the flat pacs I’ve received has contained the promised system disc.
Why Do We Make Things That Look Like Other Things?
By 1.5.09
What is this obsession with making products look like other products? 1-800Flowers has a bouquet of white flowers in a special basket so it looks like a cupcake. It’s called, “Cupcake in Bloom.” Then you have those tiny “just for decoration” presents with nothing inside. Discovering these at my grandma’s house as a kid, I first began to truly appreciate the world’s cruelty and caprice. There’s doorstops that are made to look like it’s a little kid reaching up for the doorknob, and pencil sharpeners that look like hotdogs. This trend strikes me as disturbing, even perverted…
Staples Advertises 6400 Gig Hard Drive; Singularity Quickly approaching.
By 12.30.08
Or, you know, maybe it’s just a typo. I’d ready your EMP weaponry to be safe.
By 12.29.08
../../../..//2008/12/29/when-international-product-naming-goes/
When international product naming goes wrong. (Thanks to Seth!)
Dog Shoplifts Bone From Grocery Store
By 12.29.08
What kind of world do we live in where even dogs have started shoplifting? A mildly amusing world, that’s what kind.
