We’ve heard many excuses for bad behavior, but a time-traveling alien from another planet is probably one of the most amusing ones to pop up recently. Police in Oklahoma City say a man accused of jumping over a counter at Arby’s to steal food and breaking a glass door on his way out claimed he was visiting from another planet, four years in the future. [More]
crimes
Man Accused Of Stealing Food, Breaking Door At Arby’s Claimed He’s A Time-Traveling Alien
By 4.19.16
Russian Police Bust $30M International Contraband Cheese Ring
By 8.19.15
Despite import restrictions that have caused tons of premium cheese to be destroyed in an act of “fromagicide,” people in Russia still want their dairy favorites. And where there’s a demand, there’s bound to be someone willing to provide a supply. As such, police in Russia say they’ve busted an international contraband cheese ring worth an estimated $30 million. That’s a lot of cheddar, eh? (Sorry.) [More]
Customer Allegedly Pulls Shotgun On Taco Bell Employee For Forgetting Hot Sauce
By 9.22.11
Some people take their missing hot sauce far too seriously. An irate Taco Bell customer was so enraged after he found out his order was missing the condiment that he allegedly returned to the restaurant with a shotgun and pulled it on the offending employee. Now the suspect has been arrested and faces up to 10 years in prison. [More]
iPhones Help Cops Solve Crimes By Capturing Everything You Type, Do
By 8.7.10
Cops love finding iPhones at crime scenes because the phones carry so much priceless data about your usage habits, or as the cops call it, evidence. That email you typed months back about feeling stabby when you drink? It’s still there because there because the iPhone captures everything you type to help fuel its spellcheck abilities—even emails you thought you deleted. And that’s not all. [More]
Pair Arrested For Trying To Sell Blocks Of Wood, Paper Binders As Toshiba Laptops
By 8.1.10
If you were at the fair this week in Jackson, Mississippi and saw a bunch of Toshiba laptops that you thought looked awfully like blocks of wood and paper binders, well, you were right. Two men were arrested after trying to sell the blocks of wood—which were covered in bubble wrap and secured with duct tape and Toshiba labels—to an off-duty state trooper. [More]
Walmart Racist PA System Prank Culprit Arrested
By 3.20.10
The police in Washington Township, N.J. have tracked down and arrested the alleged perpetrator of last weekend’s unauthorized PA announcement of “Attention Walmart customers: All black people leave the store now.” It will surprise absolutely no one that the suspect is a 16-year-old boy. [More]
1983 PleaseRobMe, 1977 Foursquare
By 2.23.10
Technology is scary! People will use all these status and twitter and facebook updates to find out when you’re not home and come and steal all your DVDs! At least that was the ballyhoo last week when the site PleaseRobMe launched. Turns out, they were just reinventing the fear wheel. Andy Baio found an article from 1983 that warned consumers that burglars would know by your answering machine picking up that you weren’t home, and one from 1977 that advised against posting funeral notices in the paper, lest robbers make off with the silver while you’re burying grandpa. The more things change, the less they do. [More]
Never Follow A Security Guard Into The Back Of The Store
By 11.9.09
Here’s some advice for you, the regular customer who doesn’t shoplift: never go into the back of a store with a security guard, store manager, rent-a-cop, etc. Never. Someone posted the following story in the Janesville, Wisconsin CraigsList over the weekend. Because the poster cooperated in good faith with the security personnel at her local Menards home store, she had to pay $150 to avoid having the police called on her.
Walmart Fires Security Guard For Chasing After Shoplifter Like He's In A Cop Movie
By 10.21.09
A Florida Walmart has fired one of their security officers for giving chase to a knife-wielding shoplifter who took off running across the store’s parking lot. Josh Rutner told the Star-Banner, “I couldn’t let him get away. That’s wrong.” That second sentence may be true, but security guard != officer of the law.
Do Not Sign For Your Neighbor's Packages, Then Pawn Them
By 9.12.09
Fedex delivered a Florida woman’s new laptop computer when she wasn’t home. It was okay, though—her neighbor signed for it. Then, allegedly, he pawned it. Somehow, authorities tracked him down. Maybe it was the part where he signed his name.
New Zealand Bank Error Fugitives Foiled By Facebook Status Update
By 5.25.09
You know how it goes. You go out and have too many beers, then post a Facebook update with a bit too much information about your evening. Maybe you take it down once you sober up the next day, but not before the damage is done.
Fake Dunkin' Donuts Employee Sneaks Into Stores, Steals Purses
By 5.14.09
If you live in Fall River, Massachusetts, and work at one of the town’s Dunkin’ Donuts stores, watch out for fake employees! A woman has been walking into the DD stores dressed in an employee uniform and going into the back, where she promptly steals real employees’ purses. When confronted at one of the stores, the thief told the workers that “she was there to pick up beans for another store and a note should have been left on the manager’s door.” When the employees went to look for the note, she left.
Chuck E Cheese Entertains Kids With Sexual Assualt
By 5.2.09
22-year-old Jennifer Sorbello got an extra-special welcome to Chuck E Cheese when William Thigpen, dressed as Mr. Cheese, reached out and groped her breast. Sorbello is suing the restaurant, claiming she has been “damaged in the form of emotional distress and humiliation.”
How NOT To Get Past Fry's Receipt Checkers
By 4.29.09
The last line of defense against armed robbery at Fry’s: receipt checks. Three men loaded up carts with merchandise at a San Diego store, and just headed for the door.
Feds Arrest Virginian For $11 Million Ponzi Scheme
By 3.12.09
The Ponz is everywhere! Seriously, was anyone doing any real investing over the past several years? John M. Donnelly of Charlottesville, Virginia, was arrested earlier this week and “indicted for fraudulently taking at least $11 million from as many as 31 investors in an alleged Ponzi scheme,” says their local paper the Hook. He was promising investors returns of up to 22% annually, but naturally had failed to make any investments with his clients’ money since 2002. One anonymous person—who may or may not have been a client, we don’t know—told the paper, “I visited his office once. He had a bunch of computers. It seemed like a very sophisticated operation.”
Pistol Whipping Pizzeria Owner Was Ex-Mobster In Witness Protection Program
By 2.9.09
Well, this explains that Goombah Pizzeria owner’s apparent anger management issues: he was a former hit-man who’d served prison time in 2004 after pleading guilty to 2 murders.
The Post Office Stole My Woot! Shirt!
By 1.10.09
I ordered an awesome shirt from Shirt.Woot! How awesome? Awesome enough for the U.S. Post Office to tear it right out of the super-durable SmartPost package Woot uses to protect their shirts. The Post Office, bastion of empathy that it is, didn’t want me to miss my order completely, so they delivered my ripped empty package wrapped in an obnoxious “WE CARE” apology bag. Heartbroken, I tried emailing Woot for help…
This Walmart Guard's Loss Prevention Strategy Includes Tackling
By 11.14.08
Joseph Gregorie, a (former?) Walmart loss prevention officer, is going to make sure nobody steals on his watch, especially not in this economic climate. After seeing a 58-year-old woman stuff several items in her tote bag and head for the exit, he introduced himself. She dropped the bag but continued to leave the store, so he “grabbed [her] in a bear-hug and threw her to the ground,” giving the woman a pretty impressive looking black eye in the process. They’ve both been arrested.
