The Pizza Farm Is Real: There Are Also Fish Stick Bushes And Taquito Trees

PizzafarmerA few weeks ago, we shared our disappointment that while “pizza farms” exist, they are not places where you pluck sun-ripened pizzas from the vine and eat them in a meadow while pepperoni-beasts surround you, grazing red peppers. No, they’re places where you eat pizza on the farm where the ingredients were grown or raised, which is almost as good. Then we learned about an actual pizza farm.

We were not aware that in his downtime when he isn’t acting, Nick Offerman runs a bucolic farm that raises pizzas, taquitos, fish sticks, and other fresh products for America’s school lunches.

Fortunately, it was before the entire Consumerist team quit to work on the pizza farm that we realized this is all a hoax. There are no fish stick bushes or fields of sloppy joes. The ad is actually a message from the American Heart Association meant to persuade us to support the reauthorization of the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, a 2010 law that shoved more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains on the lunch trays of kids across the country. Ew.

Pizza Farm with Nick Offerman
Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act [USDA]

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