Today in Awful Things I’d Rather Not Know Happened But Well, Here We Are: A customer at a take-and-bake pizza shop has accused an 18-year-old worker of rubbing his downstairs bits on the pie as he got his order ready. The reason? He was allegedly annoyed at having to take the order right before the store closed for the night.

According to the Smoking Gun, the customer told police he witnessed the worker “rubbing his testicles on the pizza he had ordered,” while he was preparing the large stuffed pizza with Canadian bacon, pineapple, extra cheese and extra grossness.

The customer says the teen replied when he was caught, saying, “Man, I am really sorry, that was stupid.”

After he asked how old the worker was, the customer responded, “So you are old enough to know better than to put your balls on someone’s pizza,” with the worker allegedly affirming that yes, at 18, he is old enough to know better.

The store manager had a talk with him, where the teen reportedly admitted to doing the naughty dance on the pizza because the order was so late. And if the customer hadn’t seen him? The teen said he “probably” would have given the guy the pizza.

“That’s the terrible part,” the worker explained, in case you didn’t know that smushing your genitals on food is terrible.

He’s been charged with tampering with a consumer product, a second-degree felony, and has been fired from his job.

Previously in similar grossness: Subway Employee Admits To Touching Bread With Penis, Says Photo Was Taken At Home; Here’s A Photo That May Change Your Mind About Having Taco Bell For Lunch Today

Cops: Teenager Rubbed His Junk On Patron’s Pizza [The Smoking Gun]

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