One of the basic tenets of surviving December is that there must be enough alcohol to make the holidays, and the experience of answering “So, you’re still single?” for the eleventy billionth time, remotely tolerable. Getting fat during the festive season? That’s as unavoidable as your drunk Uncle Jim’s annual tradition of passing out under the Christmas tree, so why not tip the scale and get tipsy at the same time and get it over with?

The New York Daily News has assembled a round-up of highly caloric boozy holiday beverages, ostensibly to help all the fatty alcoholics out there from overdoing it, but we’re going to take it more as a To Definitely Do list, after we’ve cleaned out our nephew’s stocking of all candy and need to drown those December sorrows.

They also add suggestions on how to make the drinks healthier, but, whatever. Let’s get chubby!

1. Chocolate martini: 438 calories and 20 grams of fat.
“It’s due to all the cream and added sugar,” Montefiore Medical Center clinical dietitian Lauren Graf, MS, RD tells the NYDN. “And alcohol gets your appetite up so if you start out with a couple of these and then move on to the food, you’re getting a lot of calories.”

2. Egg nog: 343 calories and 19 grams of fat in one cup
This time, the health expert flat out tells you to get your face out of the trough.
“It’s not really something you want to drink, even though it is traditional at the holidays,” says Karen Congro, RD, CDN, nutritionist and director of The Wellness For Life Program at the Brooklyn Hospital Center.

If you do need to get your nog on, she suggests using skim milk, egg substitute and rum extract. Yum…?

3. Rum punch: 340 calories.
Use diet ginger ale and rum extract instead of sugary syrupy sweet things and actual booze. But really, who are these people to take the rum out of rum punch? And who likes/has rum extract?

4. Hot chocolate: 330 calories and 17 fat grams.
Enough is enough. Stop trying to ruin Christmas!

5. White Russian: 250 calories and 4 fat grams per 6 ounces
“Make it healthier by using evaporated skim milk for the cream,” Jax Hubbard, RD, of Long Island College Hospital said. “You still get the creamy consistency.”
Yes, because nothing says Christmas With The Dude like evaporated skim milk.

My advice? Just stick a candy cane in your whiskey and call it a day. Happy Holidays, everyone!

Most fattening holiday drinks; Avoid dessert drinks, cream, chocolate, egg nog [New York Daily News]

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