Here at Consumerist, we love gold. Precious, glowing, brilliant, sexy gold. You might be familiar with the Kristen Wiig crazy Monex gold skit on SNL, but have you seen the original Monex commercial it was based on? We present here both the original and the parody for your viewing and comparing pleasure.

Original Monex ad:And here is the recording of the Kristen Wiig skit and its transcript:[Opens with rich lady in a elegant,upscale room.]

Monex Spokeperson: Is there anything more satisfying that owning gold and holding it in your hands? [Camera splits showing hands caressing gold coins. Stacks of gold coins in the background] What? You mean, you’ve never experienced it? Then call Monex now for this informative brochure and vhs tape that will show you how you can invest in gold. [Gold coins splash around on mountains of golden coins. 1-800-555-0199 Book and tape. Why gold? Why now?] Did you know that in the past 12 years the value of gold has gone up a little bit? [A bunch of gold coins weigh more than a stack of dollars in a balance] I love touching gold. I would never do this with mere paper money. [Lady caresses her face with a gold coin. Kisses it.] “Guold” I love it. There is no better time to invest in gold than right around the time that it is now. [Lady goes into a golden living room] Look around my living room. Every surface is covered in 100% real gold. [In a golden table a photo of Goldie Hawn, a goldfish in a bowl, the lady drinks a glass of orange juice] I’m not drinking gold. I wish. This is orange juice but the brand is Florida Gold. I guarantee you’ll spend hours caressing your gold, [hands caressing gold coins] massaging your gold, [hands massaging gold coins] washing your face in “guold” [lady splashes gold coins in her face like water in slow motion] What time is it? Oh, I know. It’s time for you to call Monex and invest in “guold”. [1-800-555-0199. Coins splashing around] Call today and tomorrow you’ll be enjoying your “guold”, touching your “guold”, golding your gold “guold” [Lady is ecstatic in a shower of gold coins] Well? Convinced? I think I made a really good case for “guold”. Speaking of gold case. [Lady picks up golden briefcase] I’m late for work. I work for gold. Ohh, I better put this on. [Lady puts on a golden scarf] It’s getting “gold” outside. [Monex logo, coins splash around] Monex. “Guold”.

[Cheers and applause]

Transcript from snltranscripts.jt.org

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