This Week’s Best Product Recall: Electrocuting Aquarium

The Aquapod 12 Gallon Aquarium, right, is a wonderful product that combines every consumer’s two favorite elements: water and chaotically spurting electricity.

Upon noting that their aquarium full of goldfish have gone belly up, the water is at a boil and the aquarium itself is glowing a neon purple color as megavolts zing about the inside of the tank, customers have frenziedly tried to turn off the aquarium, only to be electrocuted when touching the cord. Their bodies going rigid with paralysis as the electricity courses through their mortal frame, they collapse to the ground, still clutching the cord, only to note in their electrocuted delirium a 12 gallon glass tank of water and blackened fish (eyes dead and bulging in subaqueous horror) toppling down upon them. The customer tries to close his mouth, but he can’t. He can’t even scream.

Or so we wistfully imagine.

12-Gallon Aquariums Recalled Due to Shock Hazard

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