This Week’s Best Product Recall: Electrocuting Aquarium

The Aquapod 12 Gallon Aquarium, right, is a wonderful product that combines every consumer’s two favorite elements: water and chaotically spurting electricity.

Upon noting that their aquarium full of goldfish have gone belly up, the water is at a boil and the aquarium itself is glowing a neon purple color as megavolts zing about the inside of the tank, customers have frenziedly tried to turn off the aquarium, only to be electrocuted when touching the cord. Their bodies going rigid with paralysis as the electricity courses through their mortal frame, they collapse to the ground, still clutching the cord, only to note in their electrocuted delirium a 12 gallon glass tank of water and blackened fish (eyes dead and bulging in subaqueous horror) toppling down upon them. The customer tries to close his mouth, but he can’t. He can’t even scream.

Or so we wistfully imagine.

12-Gallon Aquariums Recalled Due to Shock Hazard


Edit Your Comment

  1. airship says:

    I hear they have rebranded this device as the “AquaPod Electric Fish Cooker”.

  2. SeekBalance says:

    Something like that should happen every time a company uses ‘Pod’ in the name or tosses an ‘i’ at the beginning of the product name. But it should happen to the marketing guy, not the customer.

    Marketing guy: What we have here is the iBeanBag, which we’ll sell for $10 more. It’s just like any other bean bag except it’s white, thus the ‘i’. It’s really quite comfortable–Oh, my spine! I can’t move!

    Haha. Justice.

  3. AcidReign says:

    …..How about Japanese cars (Toyota, Mazda) that pop the crap out of you when you get out of them, turn around, and try to shut the door? Does this happen to anyone else?

  4. CatMoran says:

    Just Japanese cars? I get a shock from any car that has power windows or locks.

  5. AcidReign says:

    …..Well, yeah, I have to admit the last time I bought ‘mericun!, it had crank windows. (1975 Ford Maverick.) But it’s nice to know I’m not unusually static charged!

  6. AcidReign says:

    …..Oh! Forgot about the 1985 T-Bird. It had power windows, but never shocked me. It did, however, eat an alternator every two years, on the dot!

  7. gunnk says:

    The zapping is not really the fault of the car.

    When you slide out of the seat your clothing rubs against the seat and generates static electricity. Your rubber-soled (okay, plastic-soled) shoes keep you from grounding, so when you touch the metal car door you discharge and get shocked (that way you drain off the charge rather than building it up).

    You can avoid this altogether by holding onto the door or frame (any metal part of the car body) while you slide out.

    You might also try cutting back on the polyester leisure suits.

  8. non-meat-stick says:

    holy shit that made me laugh