Earlier this week, Dunkin’ Donuts announced that it was jumping on the call-it-anything-but-a-Cronut craze by offering its own croissant/donut hybrid. Alas, the early word from one fan of the original Cronut is not so appetizing.

Over at People.com, writer and food-tasting guinea pig Mark Marino — a self-described aficionado of the actual Cronuts created by NYC pastry chef Dominique Ansel — put the DD “crossaint-donut” to the test, with not-so-favorable results.

“The company claims it’s not ‘copying a specific bakery in New York’ with its holey creation, and I believe them,” he writes, “mainly because the Duncrodonsant… looks and tastes nothing like a Cronut.”

Marino likens the experience of eating a Fauxnut to parents’ failed attempts to placate children when their pet parakeet dies.

“[Y]our parents run out and buy a new one but try to convince you it’s the same bird even though it is bigger and has different markings and bears no resemblance the original bird,” he writes. “It’s kind of like that.”

As for his specific issues with the DD product, Marino cites the chain’s decision to glaze its creation, as opposed to Ansel’s unglazed Cronuts, which only have a light layer of frosting on top and a dusting of sugar on the sides.

But the problems aren’t just crust-deep, according to the review. While one should be able to peel apart the flaky layers of a croissant/donut thingy, the DD version contains “dense, yeasty layers” and “just tastes like a regular glazed donut.”

Marino writes that it’s not a bad thing, but concludes, “I definitely wouldn’t wait in line at 5:30 a.m. for one. Unless I had to kill time waiting for PetSmart to open so I could buy a replacement parakeet.”

No word yet on whether Ansel’s lawyers have sent Dunkin’ a cease-and-desist letter over its not-a-Cronut.

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