If you’ve ever wondered why companies like Butterball have a Turkey Talk-Line to help people cook a bird that, in theory, shouldn’t require all that much effort, here are some examples why.

A Reuters editor talked to the call-fielders at Butterball and came back with these head-scratching gems:

*Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?

*Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?

*Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?

*If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?

*Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

If you need to know the answers to any of these, then you should probably call the Butterball line… or order in for Thanksgiving.

Are you smarter than your turkey? [Reuters]

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.