Competition brings out the best in employees, friends, and companies, as demonstrated brilliantly in Time Warner’s attack ad against Verizon FiOS. The scenario is that a cocksure suburban dude is interrupted making a bowl of fiber cereal by the doorbell. He opens his door to find a nerdy pitchman for Verizon FiOS on his doorstep. When the kid waves his hands, magic red light streams around the word “FIBER.” The homeowner raises his eyebrows and talks about how Time Warner has been using fiber optic cable for the past ten years. The FiOS kid can only respond by making more magic FIBER signs in the air. After Time Warner dude thorughly defeats FiOS boy with his low prices and great service, he offers a bowl of fiber cereal to the grimacing boy, whose magic red light is now smoking and spluttering. “Ooh, you’re looking a little bunched up,” says TWC Man, “need some help?” We LOLed. Too bad there’s a big difference between having a fiber optic backbone (TWC) and fiber optics that plug directly into your house (FiOS, faster). Full transcript, inside…

SFX: Doorbell rings 3 times.

VERIZON: Good morning! Have you heard about THE FIBER?!

HOMEOWNER: I think I’m taken care of in that department.

VERIZON: But I’m talking about Verizon’s kind of fiber!

HOMEOWNER: And I’m talking Time Warner Cable. They’ve been using fiber optics for over a decade. Welcome to the program!

ANNOUNCER: Call 1-888 TWCABLE today and get roadrunner highspeed online and home phone service for as low as $29.95 each for the first 12 months.

HOMEOWNER: Ooh, you’re looking a little bunched up. Need some help?

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