Whoever Dies With The Most Logos, Wins

Logos are company’s magic emblems, iconic tokens claiming territory like wolf urine. Copyranter spotted the above exemplar:

Banks love their logos. They don’t just want big logos on their ads. They want HUGE fucking logos. More logos. Aesthetically pleasing meaningless logos. Here in Chase’s new campaign, you have scores of shiny happy Chase logos dotting the New York metro area like cum drops. So sexy and powerful. Oh yeah, baby. More. Better. Faster.

Do the bigger logos mean there’s more ATMs available at that location? Or they give you more money? Do the smaller logos conspire to take down the bigger logos and take their place? — BEN POPKEN

What the marketing director of Chase jerks off to every morning [Copyranter]


Edit Your Comment

  1. dgandy says:

    This must be an off week for the Consumerist (oh god, it’s only Tues!). First w/ the purina-Mother Mary non-scandal…Then the guy who is mad because he agreed to pay $100 for a reserved seat on an airplane, and now this.

    Is it really necessary to say “HUGE fucking logos” and “cum drops” on the front page? This site is losing its credibility that it worked so hard to gain.

    Let’s get back on our A game.

  2. I would say that I like the cum drops but that would just sound completely wrong and kinda gay. And by gay I dont mean the slang that something is stupid. I mean gay as in a man who likes cum
    drops would very well potentially be gay.

    I snickered. Love the crass. Dont give it up Ben, the crassness keeps me coming back.

    Other than that, dont listen to them Ben. Keep on trucking eh.

  3. BTW they really DO look like cum drops dont they?

    Can I take this moment to say other naughty words? My favorite is CockSlap. Or how about AssClown or ShitMonkey. Wooo. Compound words are fun. I think I will use the word CumDrop as an insult from now on.

    Hey CUMDROP! yeah I’m talking to you. you felching cumdrop.

    Okay I’m done now. ;)

  4. Oh yeah I almost forgot.


  5. TWinter says:

    The cum drops thing was unnecessary. I have zero problems with sexual references, but they do need to be good/funny ones.

  6. Skylar says:

    Yeah, I’m no prude, but that was pretty unexpected.

  7. Wasabe says:

    I read that as Legos at first. Therefore, I couldn’t help but be disappointed at the article.

  8. viriiman says:

    @Holden Caulfield: While it may be wrong, I don’t care. I chuckled at your compound words. Nice to know I’m not the only one that does that.

  9. bokononist says:

    the phrase ‘cum drops’ is inherently funny. especially when applied to bankers.

  10. mantari says:

    Thanks! You just got me fired from my job at the sperm bank!

  11. bokononist says:

    this site really needs a craigslist-style “best of” button for comments, because mantari’s surely deserves a vote

  12. easy2panic says:

    I’m just glad I am not reading this at school or it would automatically get blocked from the “weight phrase limit exceeded” thingy-ma-bob (in other words, my school blocks pages with too many “bad” words).

  13. krunk4ever says:

    @bokononist: or a digg style where people can vote for stories. I don’t really get it. There’s already a human factor filtering all the emails and tips they’ve getting. Voting styles are generally for random people who post random stories or random comments. Maybe they’re hiring criteria needs to improve.

    i don’t know why this news was consumerist worthy as all companies have big logos and pictures in their ads. I mean you think someone’s going to look at your ad if it has dozens of lines of text? I think this field is called marketing.

    I mean if an ad was misleading or incorrect or causing consumers problems, it’s consumerist worthy. But just because they have big logos… I mean come on…

    I agree, Consumerist quality has gone down a lot since it’s initial phase. Maybe that should be the title of the next post:

    Consumerist Quality Going Down The Toilet

    If you need examples of it, I can provide plenty.

  14. Pupator says:

    I agree with several of the above posters: this “story” never should have been written. It doesn’t say anything helpful, useful, or insightful – instead it just beats us over the head with vulgarity.

  15. SexCpotatoes says:

    As opposed to beating us over the head with stupid logos?

    Vulgarity good. Keep it up, Ben.

  16. LTS! says:

    Vulgarity aside, what does this have to do with the point of the website? How is this at all related to consumerism?

    This post should be ticked off as not counting towards the daily quota they are forced to post. Quality over quantity please.

  17. darkbegbie says:

    It looks like a soviet nuclear launch map. I always knew they hated long island!

  18. CRSpartan01 says:


  19. Kos says:


    Me too!

    Separately, as anyone really had a problem with slow ATMs?

  20. ValkRaider says:

    Nice way to get Consumerist black-listed.

  21. pestie says:

    @dgandy: Is it really necessary to say “HUGE fucking logos” and “cum drops” on the front page? This site is losing its credibility that it worked so hard to gain.

    Not with me it isn’t. The fact that the editors here can use language like that is a refreshing change from the bland, watered-down, safe-for-the-religious-right language that the conventional media uses. It’s the kind of language I’d use to amuse my friends, and I appreciate the effort! And let’s be real here, OK? Consumerist is a blog on the internet, for Christ’s sake. It’s not the New England Journal of Medicine.

  22. infinitysnake says:

    What’s really funny about the picture is that that logo is an image of the archaic wooden water pipes that were long ago dug up and replaced in New York.

  23. ironchef says:

    don’t we got more important things to worry about than corporate masterbation?

    No one’s getting hosed on having too much logos on their ads. Let’s focus on protecting the consumer.

  24. LTS! says:

    I think the issue with the vulgarity is that some people have heuristic web filters that look for those particular words and then start blocking the site, which of course means you lose viewers, which of course means….

    So perhaps that is the point.

  25. shdwsclan says:

    Logically, more ads and logos means they are overcharging their customers with fees or doing something really shady like selling customer’s data and spending habits……to pay for the printing of these ads…