Charmin Rolls Out Shorter Ultra Big Rolls

Charmin Ultra Big Rolls have shrunk by 1 centimeter, but don’t expect the price to drop anytime soon. The discoverer of the change has an interesting take on the smaller Ultra Big rolls:

The fabulous news here, obviously, is that America’s collective butt is getting smaller, and the folks at Proctor & Gamble are merely keeping pace. They’ve narrowed the width of Charmin, the veritable Rolls Royce of Toilet Paper, purely in response to our nation’s decreasing posteriors.

The previous paragraph, of course, is an outright lie. Well, except for the part about Charmin being the Rolls Royce (pun intended) of TP; I think that’s really the case. What’s really happening here is the more cunning sort of inflation: I can’t say for sure, but I bet the price of Charmin hasn’t dropped in accordance with the size of the rolls.

Charmin offers a shitty explanation in their FAQ:

Q. I noticed a difference in the size of my Charmin rolls. What is different about them and why?
A. We’ve reduced the width of the Charmin roll. However, each roll still has the same number of sheets.

You don’t just buy sheets. You buy area, measured by length and width. Last week it was Cadbury, this week it’s Charmin. We wonder what will shrink next week… — CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER

Charmin Shrinks With Exposure to Air, Bush Economy [Money Musings] (Thanks to Jim!)