Gilette s Fusion Razor Review With Built-In Laser-Ion Cannon

Copyranter, a disaffected but unbowed copywriter, has a “nice,” i.e. fanged, review of Gilette’s new Fusion razor, which, in keeping with predictions by The Onion and Mad Magazine, features five blades, 10 microfins, a trimmer, a face-goo strip and an intergalactic sub-atomic ray gun.

With a smattering of boldface Copyranter writes…

“This must be what it felt like to be caressed by Aphrodite. God must now include the Fusion in your orientation kit when you ascend to heaven. After shaving this morning, I grabbed 3 random downtown Supermodels and kissed them. All three are now under my desk taking turns gently and lovingly servicing me. The five-blade Fusion
well worth the $109.99 price tag.”

BTW, we spotted the Fusion available at for $9.99, cartridges for $14.99.

A commenter to the post, Todd, claims, “Having worked for McCann on Gillette at one point (in Europe), I know that they can fiddle with the quality of the blades. At rollout, they are supermodel blowjob excellent. As time goes on and people have adopted their “system” they ratchet down the quality and let the money just flooooooow on in…”

David writes, “As a man who can grow some serious facial hair, I must say that I will purchase anything Gillette has to offer. If it’s new, I’ll get it. Forty-seven blades? Sign me up. Battery powered? Done. Fifty dollars for 3 replacement blades? Fine…”

We, sick of replacement blades and shaving cream prices, use a Norelco Reflex Plus electric razor (Christmas gift) and it works pretty darn good as long as you press hard enough.

Look Ma! No more blood! (on my handheld particle accelerator with built-in razor).

The Fusion: A Review [Copyranter]


Edit Your Comment

  1. AcidReign says:

    …..Dang, I was just getting used to the Mach III Turbo! The more blades it has, the bigger the chunk of your face it rips out when you press down. Electric razors get dull, too, and you can’t use them in the shower! Shaving in the shower with regular old bar soap makes for the easiest clean-up, which is: none.

  2. non-meat-stick says:

    what’s with the shaving. I haven’t shaved in 6 years…

  3. airship says:

    Genetics and a lenient boss means I only shave once a week. I look forward to it about as much as I would a weekly prostate exam. Unfortunately, the same genes don’t allow me to grow an acceptable beard in less than 6 months, so that’s really not an option, either.

  4. dukerayburn says:

    I’m with airship here, except the “acceptable beard” is a concept thus unknown to the surface of my face. And it shall likely always remain that way.

    Actually, wet-shaving is what leads most men to be able to grow a beard. I’ve never done it. I use an electric to clean up the stubbly areas on my chin and neck every three days and that’s it. So if you never want a beard, give Gilette and its ilk the finger and spring for Norelco.

  5. OkiMike says:

    I’ve tried the I forgot to shave routine when coming to work in the morning. Unfortunately, I am always detained by security asking for “more identification” and who refuse to let me go without searching my car.

    That said, I think there is nothing better than my Norelco shower shaver. Except those 1 oz. gel packets that fit inside and sell for $2 apiece.

  6. Ever since reading Lifehacker’s Article ( on how to get the perfect shave I have totally converted to double-edged razor and never looked back. F- Gillette!! F Them right in their ear!!!

  7. scingram says:

    Actually, I bought one of these last night at Safeway when I was picking up groceries. Tried it out this morning. Was I a sucker for the hype…yes. But did it give a good shave. Definetly. It was quite good actually, better than my old razor, and as wierd as it sounds the vibrating blades do a pretty good job of giving a nice tight shave. So for $9 I am satisfied.

  8. L_Emmerdeur says:

    Or you could go with a Merkur Vision, and the old school double-edged blades. I use this to shave my very heavy beard and my head. It shaves cleaner, requires fewer passes to get that clean shave, and doesn’t clog up as easily or as frequently.