Seems Harry had a little problem with the firepit he bought. It lacked one of three legs.
retail
Wal-Mart Spring Break! WOOOOO!
By 3.30.06
(D’oh! Brownlee is an idiot. This is one of our few duplicate stories, the unfortunate consequence of having two writers working thousands of miles away from one another. But we’re going to leave it up as it gives us another ace-in-the-hole for when Brownlee greedily starts slobbering for an undeserved raise.
Trader Joe’s Contribution to Urban Sprawl
By 3.22.06
Trader Joe’s has taken over the sidewalk of 14th st, all in the quest to deliver pounds of no-boil noodles into the caches of eager Manhattanites.
Former Bush Advisor Arrested For Target Refund Fraud
By 3.13.06
On February 9th, Bush’s longtime domestic policy advisor Claude Allen carefully waxed his handlebar mustache, adjusted his jet top hat and — throwing a smoke bomb to the ground — disappeared from the White House with the glint-eyed mystery of the master criminal. No one knew why he’d resigned his post… all that anyone could agree was that it was pretty dang mysterious.
Cool Bar Codes For Products And Foreheads
By 3.10.06
As all men know, in our dystopian future, bar codes will be tattooed directly over our pineal gland for easier government processing. This is supported by a vast library of dystopian fiction and comic books. And — as those high school sophomores who will so feverishly insist that 1984 is Orwell’s line by line premonition of the Bush Administration well know — these things always come true. So those of us with a flair for fashion should probably start thinking ahead about what statement we want our bar codes to make.
Dress Better, Get Better Service, Study Finds
By 3.1.06
If you want good service, you’ll have to dress the part.
No Love at the Radio Shack; Store Closings and Resume Fakeries
By 2.20.06
s besieged CEO Dave Edmonson on Friday. The company operates 7,000 stores, all of which need your zip code to sell you batteries.
New Jersey to Wal-Mart: Your Look Sucks. Change It.
By 2.13.06
In Freehold Township, New Jersey, Wal-Mart’s has been forced to clamp down on its ugly, ugly decor:
Big Apple Store Never Closes
By 2.10.06
New York City’s newest Apple store, currently under construction on Fifth Avenue and set to open in May, is not only going to be one of the larger Apple retail stores in the world; it’s also apparently going to be open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. This all night Mac house will be slinging iPods and Macbooks to jittery, bleary-eyed addicts in the heart of Manhattan, even as innocent citizens sleep nearby—at least until the East Side neighborhood associations start to complain.
Target’s CSI: Minneapolis
By 2.10.06
We really enjoy it when readers send in not only tips, but punch lines, as well. Everything from this sentence on out is totally Friday Quote Madness.
Majority Of New Yorkers Love/Hate Wal-Mart… In The Same Poll!
By 2.9.06
According to this Quinnipiac University poll, over 50% of New Yorker’s supported Wal-Mart infilitrating Gotham. But the Neighborhood Retail Alliance picks apart thier findings and comes to the opposite conclusion: most New Yorkers don’t want Wal-Mart in their city:
Best Buy’s Sales Wall Numbers Decoded
By 2.4.06
Although we can’t recall ever seeing such a thing, apparently some Best Buy stores have giant numbers up near the register detailing information about that day’s sales. A long blogger was intrigued enough to decode the numbers, and has explained their meaning on his site.
For God’s Sakes… Save The Porn!
By 1.25.06
We know that when we linked the story about the Prada store burning down, our astute readership recognized the post for what it was: shameless quota-meeting filler on a slow news day. “So Paris Hilton has one less ten thousand dollar handbag—how does that affect me, Joe or Jane America?” you might have asked yourself, depending on the configuration of your genitals or gender image. We admit, it wasn’t much of a story, and we’re sorry to have wasted your time with it. To use the parlance of consumerism, it added little take home.
