Boots and pants… where can I buy some boots and pants? Or haircuts? What about haircuts? Denim! My needs to be addressed, simply and set to music. Good thing there’s an awkward/genius commercial for a mall in New Jersey to fulfill all my shopping and amusement needs. [More]
malls
Shoplifter Runs From Mall Security, Found Dead In Drainage Pond
By 7.9.14
A mundane crime occurred at the Arundel Mills mall in Maryland last night: an employee noticed three people shoplifting shirts and hats from a Zumiez store and alerted security. One of the trio escaped from security and ran away from the mall into a drainage pond nearby. Instead of escaping, he drowned. [More]
Moscow Mall Creates Replica Of Times Square, Because Apparently One Tourist Trap Isn’t Enough
By 6.10.14
At first the idea of a mini Times Square sounds like a New Yorker’s worst nightmare — the real thing is bad enough, filled with swarms of slow-walking tourists and the glare of flashing billboards incessantly hawking whatever product can afford a spot there. But hey, not everyone can visit New York City, which is why a Moscow mall decided to bring that experience to Russia with a scale replica of the popular tourist destination. [More]
Teenagers Turning Restaurants Into The Cool New Hangout Spots As Malls Die Off
By 4.11.14
A word to any Hollywood screenwriters working on a scene where old cops go back to high school disguised as implausibly believable students — put those characters at a mall and real teenagers will know you don’t know what’s cool these days. Namely, malls are out, and restaurants are in as the new spot to hangout. [More]
Match Made In Mall Heaven: Spencer May Be Buying Brookstone
By 3.27.14
Earlier this year, we told you about the questionable future of mall mainstay Brookstone, which has been mulling over the need to file for bankruptcy protection in order to keep selling massage chairs and gadgets that break a week after you buy them. That fate still looms for Brookstone, but its salvation may ultimately come from another mall mainstay that gives me flashbacks to endless hours spent perusing Iron Maiden posters and flipping through the pages of Truly Tasteless Jokes books. [More]
Woman Accused Of Biting Off Fellow Shopper’s Finger Over Mall Parking Space
By 3.11.14
We always thought mall parking lots were asphalt jungles in more of a “It’s tough out there to find a parking spot” kind of way. Not an actual predator vs. prey, “I will bite off your finger if you take my spot” kind of way. On that note, guess what terrifying thing happened in a mall parking lot in New Jersey? [More]
Why Is The Mall Of America Getting Bigger While Malls Everywhere Else Are Dying Off?
By 3.7.14
Even as mall staples like RadioShack and Sbarro find themselves shutting down stores, and malls elsewhere across the land are rendered useless by online shopping, the Mall of America is planning on expanding in the next 10 years. So how is this megamall surviving in the midst of mall meltdown? [More]
Long Island Mall Bans Elderly Mall-Walker For 6 Months
By 2.19.14
The menace of loitering senior citizens in the New York City metropolitan area continues. First, a McDonald’s in Queens kicked out a group of neighborhood seniors who used the restaurant as an all-day coffee house, and politicians brokered a peace. This time, a 73-year-old man who walked laps around a Long Island mall has been banned from the property for trespassing. [More]
Woman Spends $567 To Buy All The ‘Indecent’ T-Shirts In Mall Store
By 2.18.14
If you see a product in a store that you think is indecent or should otherwise not be on sale to the public, what’s your reaction? Maybe you complain to the store manager, or take your issue to the local media. If you feel it’s so bad that it violates the law, you might contact the proper authorities. But do you spend quite a bit of cash to rid the store of the items in question? [More]
Planning Your Funeral At The Mall — Creepy Or Convenient?
By 2.3.14
People talk about the death of shopping malls in America, but it may be death that is breathing new life into some of these retail relics. [More]
Man Commits Suicide In Mall While Shopping With Girlfriend
By 12.10.13
When we began to see this story from China propagating around the newsphere, we hoped that it was something from the strange imagination of the Daily Mail. It couldn’t be true: a man in his thirties argued with his girlfriend while shopping, and then jumped seven stories to his death. [More]
Someone Made A LEGO Version Of The Blues Brothers Mall Chase Scene. It Is Glorious
By 12.9.13
If, like me, you were raised on repeated late-night viewings of The Blues Brothers, you are more than familiar with the epic 3-minute scene in which Elwood and Jake lead some Illinois State Police around, in, and through a busy mall, all while cataloging the various things one can buy there (The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year). What better way to commemorate this brilliantly choreographed scene than with a shot-by-shot LEGO remake? [More]
Mall Santa Accused Of Groping Elf Co-Worker Due In Court Christmas Eve
By 11.26.13
In a story that seems to be ripped from the North Pole’s headlines, a mall Santa Claus has been ordered to stay away from his place of seasonal employment after allegations that he groped a coworker over the weekend. According to some reports, it appears that the 18-year-old woman he’s accused of harassing was playing an elf. [More]
Not All Mall Snacks Are Created Equal — What Should You Eat If You’re Trying To Be Healthy?
By 10.24.13
The siren smells of the mall food court can weaken even the most determined healthy eater worn down by a day at the mall. With the aroma of Auntie Anne’s tickling your nose and stirring a rumble in your tummy, it ain’t easy to avoid a calorie fest. Good thing our benevolent benefactors at Consumer Reports are on the case. The snack beat, as it were. [More]
Nothing Clears A Mall Quite Like A Guy Throwing Around Human Ashes
By 10.17.13
Police evacuated a Florida mall this week and kept it on lockdown after someone threw a powdery substance into a Lenscrafters store. The mysterious grains weren’t anthrax or ricin — nay, none of those dangerous toxins. But that doesn’t mean it was a pleasant powdered sugar party: Police say a man was scattering the ashes of his fiancée. [More]
Homeless Man Turns In Backpack He Found With $41,900 Inside To Mall Cops
By 9.16.13
Whenever we hear stories of people finding large sums of money out there a few things come to mind: Who are you people, wandering around with such riches? And also, it’s a good thing there are enough nice people in the world to find your stuff and give it back once you’ve inevitably misplaced your treasures. Like a homeless man in Boston who handed over a backpack containing $41,900 he found at a mall. [More]
Did Rue 21 Kick This Teen Out Of Store For Being Too Fat?
By 9.3.13
There are gracious ways to tell someone that your store doesn’t sell clothes that fit them. Throwing a teenage customer out of the store by saying, “You’re too big to be in this store. I need you to leave” is not one of them. That’s what an Oregon teen claims happened to her at a Rue 21 store at her local mall. [More]
The Mall Of America Is About To Double In Size
By 7.2.13
Does the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota need to get bigger? It’s only the biggest mall in the country, so of course it does! The mall just broke ground on a $250 million addition that adds 50 stores, an atrium, an office tower, a luxury hotel, and a massive and fancy “food hall” to replace the current food court. The owners ultimately plan $2.5 billion in additions in the coming decade, adding one new thing per year. [More]
