Some of you were pretty rough on Kaje when he wrote in, telling us he was given a better Sears lawnmower by mistake. Would he give it back? Or would they have to pry the new mower out of his cold, dead hands?
humor
Bikini Waxing Is Totally Painless!
By 5.18.06
A safe-for-work video in which a bunch of pretty girls get their pubic hair pulled out by the roots for the first time at their local bikini wax salon. “It’s totally painless!” says a translator to a dollsome foreign babe. “That’s a relief!” And then the screaming starts.
Great Moments in Customer/Bank Relations
By 5.17.06
And you think you have some nightmarish customer horror stories.
How To Use The Telephone
By 5.17.06
A 1927 film by the genius Fleischer brothers on the trials and travails of using that new-fangled bananamaphone doodad. Also starring Mr. Natural! Don’t check your speakers, it’s silent. Warning to PC types unable to put this in the context of history and enjoy it anyway: at one point, a gratuitous black stereotype is almost eaten by a lion. Simply roll your eyes and move on: the Fleischers are probably rotting in hell for their insensitivity as we speak.
The Remarkable Advertisements of Don Hertzfeldt
By 5.5.06
Whether or not this is safe for work depends on what your boss thinks of anthropomorphical squiggles with bleeding anuses.
Super Timor Insect Repellant Turns Malaria Into Dance Party
By 5.2.06
Every time you wonder why the civilized nations of the world don’t just send a neutron bomb hurtling into Paris, vaporizing the flesh of all its smarmy and lugubrious inhabitants but leaving the art and architecture intact, we recommend watching this commercial, which single-handedly justifies…
Superman Hates, Kills Smokers
By 4.17.06
For your Monday Morning Bemusement, Superman takes on Nick O’Teen, insidious Irish personification of underage smoking.
Interview With PR Spokesperson On Mass Graves For Terrorist Holocaust
By 3.21.06
Okay, we’re going on record saying we have no idea if this interview between Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post and Heather R. Huhman, a PR spokesperson for National Funeral Director’s Association is legit. It’s just too perfect. Gene’s side of the interview is the sort of wouldn’t-that-have-been-great witticism that only comes about by mulling a conversation over for hours afterwards. And Heather R. Huhman — from her protests-too-much, “I’m Human! Really!” name to her mindless public relations babbling — is the kind of straight-man that only exists in the magical realm of make believe.
Nintendo DS Lite’s Japanese Debut
By 3.3.06
Everyone who got burned on the original Nintendo Gameboy Advance debacle felt the existential yawning of deja vu when Nintendo recently announced that, less than a year after launch, they were shrinking down the size of their Nintendo DS handheld and making the screen better. This was after previously ensuring all of us that the device was Panglossian in its perfection and could not be foreseeably improved. What a perfect way to burn the customers who made Nintendo’s experimental console a success — try to sell them the same product again a year later with the form factor that the product could have been in the first place!
What If… Microsoft Designed the iPod Box?
By 3.1.06
This has been going around lately, but is directly indicative of the cluelessness of corporate branding philosophies that we at the Consumerist so love to rail against.
McSweeney’s Looks at the iPod Zepto
By 1.2.06
This is a tad old, but if you’re upset about not being able to find that coveted 4GB iPod Nano?? for Christmas, this prophetic look at the upcoming iPod Zepto (pictured: left) may put your consumerist fury in perspective.
