In the wake of media buzz concerning Wal-Mart’s $4 dollar a month generic drug plan, and Target’s claim that they too will slash prices, Kmart has responded: But we already have a $5 a month plan, hello? Guys? Are you there?
drugs
WalMart Slashes Generic Prescription Prices
By 9.22.06
WalMart’s bouncing smiley face just danced up and down on top of your local CVS. Once the roof caved, he moved over to Walgreens, where the body count is pending. RiteAid is next. Cower in fear.
Kmart Settles A Bunch of Lawsuits
By 9.20.06
It’s a big day at Kmart. They’ve settled a bunch of lawsuits and they’re ready to move on. To what, I don’t know. I haven’t been inside a K-mart since 1983, and neither has anyone else without a lawsuit pending.
Money Saving Hack: Cut Out The Drugs
By 8.30.06
Broke again? Here’s a handy calculator to show you how much money you’re tossing down the bottle or needle a month and year, along with all the great things you could’ve bought instead.
UPDATE: Parexel Destroys Immune Systems, Avoids Liability
By 7.31.06
You may recall the test subjects of drug trial TGN1412 who were left seriously maimed moments after taking the experimental drug.
Study Reveals Poison Pill Among Hospital Prescriptions
By 7.25.06
A new study analyzing hospital prescriptions shows startling and potentially deadly trends.
Avoid Crack, Advises PeeWee Herman
By 7.15.06
Take from a man who knows, don’t take crack. Don’t even think about it. Crack cocaine is the most addictive form of coke and even pondering its chemical structure in an academic setting can causes serious lung and liver damage, breakdown of tooth enamel, delusional parasitosis, paralysis, and even indecent exposure.
FDA Says Plan B Causes Teen Sex Cults
By 4.28.06 — Updated: 10.25.12
What the hell? The Manhattan-based Center for Reproductive Rights is grilling FDA officials on their failure to approve the Plan B pill as a drug that can be distributed without a prescription. Why might they not have approved it?
MERCK Gets Mercked for $9 Million in Vioxx Suit
By 4.12.06
A jury awarded $9 million in punitive damages to John Darby who blamed his heart attacks on Vioxx. The sum is a defeat for drug-maker Merck, which, for some fucking reason, was assumed to be “bulletproof” because the trial took place in New Jersey.
More Customers Mocked By Walgreens Pharmacy
By 3.24.06
Just over two weeks after a woman sued Walgreens for labeling her a “PSYCHO,” two more patients are suing for slanderous remarks attached to their prescription sheets.
Study: Herbal Supplements Turn Kids Into Crack Fiends
By 3.24.06
Back when I was in high school, there was only one kind of ‘herbal supplement’: the magic jay bone. Quizzing me and my horde of giggling compatriots in the back of senile Mrs. Johnson’s fourth period Remedial English class, any researcher who cared to have asked would have found that the ratio of herbal supplement takers to illegal drug users was one to one.
TGN1412 Trial Like “Russian Roulette”
By 3.17.06
Do you see the man to the right? The one who looks like the evilest German scientist to ever stumble in blood-smeared scrubs out of a Nazi laboratory? Gaze carefully upon the ominous shadowing falling upon his cadaverous features, the inhuman leer. Yes, readers, you are looking upon the horrible visage of none other than Dr. Thomas Hanke, Chief Scientific Officer of TeGenero, whose drug TGN1412 had six men in trials tearing at their skin and screaming.
Drug Trial Goes Horribly Wrong
By 3.16.06
Two men are in critical condition and four are seriously ill after partaking in a clinical drug trial.
Ambien Users Report Primitive Unconscious Night Gourgings
By 3.14.06
As if America weren’t globular enough already, now you can get fat off sleeping pills.
Walgreens Pharmacists Mock You Behind Your Back
By 3.8.06
How would you like to see this on your bottle of meds?
Panexa: The Right Choice, The Safe Choice
By 12.28.05
Gelf Magazine has an interview with Carrie McLaren of Stay Free!, a Brooklyn-based media outlet that “explores the politics and perversions of mass media and American (consumer) culture.” Which is to say, hippies gnawing on at the trunk of the freedom tree.
No Money in Curing AIDS
By 12.27.05
Hey, AIDS sufferers! Better stock up on aspirin. There’s just not enough money is curing your often fatal disease, says the federal chief of AIDS research, Dr. Edmund Tramont.
“If we look at the vaccine, HIV vaccine, we’re going to have an HIV vaccine. It’s not going to be made by a company,” Tramont said. “They’re dropping out like flies because there’s no real incentive for them to do it. We have to do it.”
Of course, the pharmaceutical researchers deny that they’re dragging their feet.
Health Care Plans to Kill You
By 12.19.05
In less than five paragraphs, Stay Free Magazine’s “How Hip Health Plan Breeds Superbugs” chillingly describes the nightmare plutopia in which we currently live—a world where not only are you chipperly reamed for twice the cost of your sinus medication, but are also softened up like veal for the slurping protuberances of a hyper-immune race of super bacteria.
No, the reason HIP covers less than a full supply is because it wants two co-payments out of me. At $30 each, that makes the drug $60. This not only makes the drug unduly expensive, but it encourages patients not to take their full course of antibiotics…. which, if you know anything about antibiotics, is dangerous from a public health perspective, because it can lead to drug-resistant bacteria.
Which, of course, is HIP’s entire insidious plot. A pallid, gel-like population of wheezing mouth breathers ridden through the streets by antibiotic junky bacteria jonesin’ for a fix. And who are these superbugs? As any reader who is familiar with the direct-to-video oeuvre of Brian Yuzna in the early 90’s will be quick to realize, these are the board of directors of HIP Healthcare itself.
