Making a withdrawal? An amateur photographer in the bank lobby pointing his camera at you? It might be best not to pose with those large, pregnant sacks, swollen with wads of cash and tattooed with dollar symbols. Smile! Say Cheese! You’re about to be robbed.
crime
Portrait of an Idio… Er, Identity Thief
By 7.5.06
Meet Shiva Sharma. Husband, father, identity thief, inmate of the Mohawk Correctional Facility in Rome, New York. Shiva has no idea how much money he’s stolen from other people, but by the time of his third arrest for identity theft, he’d been nailed in connection with over $150,000 in credit card fraud transaction.
Arson To The Rescue When SUV Owners Can’t Afford Gas
By 6.14.06
Is the Charybdis of your SUV’s gas tank getting you down? Why not purge it in cleansing fire? For $300 dollars, a weasel in a black trench coat will be more than happy to steal your SUV for you and light it on fire so you can reclaim the insurance money. And you’ll even be in Rome: a spate of such arson crimes are sweeping California.
Pizza Delivery Superhero Thwarts Purse Snatching
By 6.9.06
Pizza Delivery just got its own caped crusader. An orange spandex leotard painted across his doughy frame, additionally dressed in ivory tights and tunic, Cameron Evans of Galactic Pizza keeps the streets of Minneapolis safe from the superstitious and cowardly lot that prey upon the fine, upstanding pizza consumers of uptown.
KFC Takeaway Added to UK Miranda Rights
By 6.9.06
As an Irishman, I am for all intents and purposes British. I eat crisps, not chips. I dress head-to-toe in vinyl Adidas tracksuits with my bangs greased in a straight line down my forehead. I refer to people I don’t like as “muppets” and “knackers.” My teeth are jagged brown daggers that stick out of my face at implausible angles. But even I have no idea what a ‘YOB’ is.
Shotgun Blast Settles $36.50 Gas Bill
By 5.29.06
Now that prices of gas are skyrocketing, it’s perhaps understandable that you’d underestimate the cost of a full tank. But watch out! Being short on bread for a tank of gas could cause you to look down the cobalt blue double barrels of a sawed-off shotgun.
BREAKING: Little Girl Molested By Wal-Mart Sex Offender, Gets Jack Squat
By 5.2.06
A Jury found Wal-Mart was not negligent in hiring a convicted sex offender who molested a 10 year old girl in a Wal-Mart electronics aisle six years ago.
Interviewing The Victims Of Identity Theft
By 5.2.06
The Dayton Daily News has a good article up interviewing the victims of identity theft and describing how their lives have changed because of it. Although we’re all concerned by the murky underworld of Eastern European hackers that prey upon badly secured financial records, the article is a good reminder that most identity theft actually originates with people close to you: friends, relatives and (natch) employees of the very institutions you trust to keep your financial details safe.
UPDATE: Little Girl Molested By Wal-Mart Sex Offender, Gets $25 Gift Certificate
By 5.2.06
Jury deliberations are underway to decide whether a teenager molested six years ago for 90 seconds by a WalMart employee deserves to receive up to $5 million in damages.
Little Girl Molested By Wal-Mart Sex Offender, Gets $25 Gift Certificate
By 4.26.06
In the grand scheme of things, there are probably a few gripes with Wal-Mart more legitimate than their moral objection (or, as it all turned out, lack thereof) to purple ribbon. Like when your ten year old daughter is approached by a helpful Wal-Mart greeter with a bright yellow happy face button on his lapel who then proceeds to vigorously masturbate in front of her, right in the middle of the electronics aisle.
Gizmondo’s ‘Fat Stefan’ Eriksson Arrested For Car Theft
By 4.10.06
You may remember Gizmondo founder Stefan ‘Fat Stefan’ Eriksson. He’s the guy who crashed a $1 million Ferrari, claimed a mysterious German man named Dietrich was the driver, identified himself to the police as a Deputy Commissioner for the counter-terrorism unit of a handicapped bussing service and apparently had a group of employees identify themselves as Homeland Security at the scene of the crime and tamper with evidence. There’ve been many other wrinkles, but who can keep up? ‘Fat Stefan’ is a highly entertain lunatic.
