UPDATE: Nothing gold can stay. Especially not a shiny, perfect story about a stolen egg salad recipe.

We all got punked, says Gawker — that photo of a police blotter is the creation of Dan’s Papers, a satirical news site that’s been running hoax items for years.

I’m only disappointed that such a paragon of egg salad doesn’t exist… YET [invests in egg salad recipe safe].

————————ORIGINAL STORY BELOW———————–

Listen, I’ll be the first admit that I love me some egg salad. I order it every time I have lunch at the work cafeteria, I beg friends to make it for me and I’m always searching for the best recipe ever. So I can sort of understand why someone would call the police over the alleged theft of a precious recipe for the world’s best egg salad. Sort of.

Twitter user @eorden (h/t to Gawker for the link) has her finger on the pulse of breaking news in the Hamptons, out on New York’s Long Island, posting a photo of the local police blotter.

It seems that beyond the world of glitzy parties, glasses overflowing with bubbly and whatever else it is people with vacation homes and disposable income do, there lies a dark underbelly of crime.

According to the Hamptons police blotter, a man renting a house for the summer told cops he had “an extremely valuable egg salad recipe in a briefcase at the house, and when he went to retrieve it, presumably to make egg salad for brunch, the recipe was missing.”

Presumably it was for brunch, because that’s what people in the Hamptons do, you see.

After what I can only imagine would be the most thorough of searches of the premises, the egg salad recipe was nowhere to be found. And because “security reasons” kept the man from storing a copy of the recipe on his computer or somewhere in the cloud, he’s at a loss now for what he calls “the best egg salad recipe in the world.”

Lest you think he could pull the basics together from memory, the man claims he can’t recall the “crucial details” of the “priceless” recipe. He did manage to put a value of $4,000 on the recipe for insurance purposes, however.

Anyone with information about the recipe’s current whereabouts are encouraged to contact the police, once you’re done eating egg salad.

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