Great, Spring Black Friday Is Now Officially A @#$@*$% Thing

Yeah but we ARE worried, Lowe's.

Yeah but we ARE worried, Lowe’s.

Has it just been too long since you’ve felt the panic rising from your stomach and into your throat at the idea of competing for Black Friday specials? You’re in luck! Walmart and Lowes are both pushing so-called spring “Black Friday” discounts in an attempt to stir up some business, or maybe just to make us feel like the walls are slowly closing in…

Lowes hasn’t said yet when exactly this next wave of shopping pandemonium will break upon us, with simply a “wait and see what’s gonna happen” placeholder on its website, urging shoppers not to worry.

Meanwhile, Walmart is making a big move for garden business this year for the first time, points out the New York Times, with its “Black Friday-like prices” on more than 60 things including grills, bags of mulch and patio sets. That sale begins this Friday and will go for about a week.

“After this tough of a winter, we’re really excited to bring spring to our customers with great brands and great prices,” Michelle Gloeckler, senior vice president of home at Walmart told the NYT.

“And we’re going to do this in true Walmart fashion,” she said. “Think of just pallets and pallets of mulch and grills, patio sets and big yellow bags of Miracle-Gro. We’re ready to bring it out in a big way.”

On the upside? Deals on outdoor stuff for your garden, because it’s about goshdarn time this cold, gloomy, brown world we live in turned into something warm, alive and beautiful.

On the downside? BACK FRIDAY BLARGH.

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