In what will surely be a blow to the brewing plans of our future robot overlords, Pizza Hut is touting its “new” hand-tossed pizza as the Next Big Thing In Eating Pizza. See? We don’t need your robotic tossing, machines. We humans aren’t perfect, and neither will that hand-tossed dough be, explains The Hut. Take that, armies of the artificially intelligent oppressors!
Anyway, hot off the heels of The Hut’s mind-blowing news that it was going to try that whole “selling single slices of pizza thing,” the company is now telling everyone that it’s got a new hand-tossed pizza, touched by people like me and you.
This new version of its hand-tossed pizza has a “lighter, airier crust, cheese blended with five Italian flavors and now brushed with garlic-buttery goodness,” according to the new ads (via AdAge). The sauce and topping options will stay the same.
Pizza Hut says everything about this pizza is in no way like anything else ever.
“[The new pizza is] completely different,” the chain’s Chief Marketing Officer Carrie Walsh tells AdAge. “It has imperfections. Customers definitely noticed a difference. We believe it’s a game-changer.”
Now’s the time when anyone who ever worked in a pizza joint pre-Pizza Hut/Domino’s/Papa John’s etc. (hi, Dad!) starts scoffing and saying, “Back in my day, it was ALL hand-tossed pizzas! None of this mechanical tossing by robots or whatever it is they have doing all the work these days!”
Yeah, take that, future robot overlords! We’re not going down that easy and we will defy you with pizza!