Who would eat blueberry cereal that contains no blueberries? What about onion rings that aren’t made of onions? We live in a sad world where non-dairy (but not vegan) imitation mozzarella cheese shreds haunt our grocery aisles, and Mrs. Butterworth’s pancake syrup contains no butter.

Our sibling publication Consumer Reports rounded up several of these scary food-like substances for us all to marvel at.

It’s hard to figure out what the target market for Tropical Pizza Topping is. One would think that an imitation mozzarella cheese based on substances like partially hydrogenated soybean oil might appeal to vegans or people who are allergic to milk, but Tropical is out of the question for them: it contains the milk protein casein. That does mean that the cheesy shreds are okay for people who are lactose-intolerant, as we discussed in a recent post about non-dairy creamer.

How about breakfast? Kellogg’s Blueberry Frosted Mini-Wheats sounds tasty, but doesn’t contain any actual blueberries. Never mind those round blue fruit things that you see on the box. The little blue shreds are, as far as we can tell, grain and sugar nuggets dyed with blue and red food coloring and doused with “natural and artificial flavors.” They taste nice, but aren’t blueberries. At least the Mini-Wheats contain wheat and sugar and are quite mini, so three-quarters of the product name is accurate.

No one ever said that Mrs. Butterworth brand “pancake syrup” actually contains butter, but the word is right there in the name. Why? Manufacturer Pinnacle Foods told Consumer Reports that the product did once include 2% butter, back in the ’70s. However, it still contains no maple, which is why you should leave Mrs. Butterworth and her [high fructose] corn syrup concoction on the shelf. Unless you’re allergic to maple or have some other very, very good reason.

Wise Onion Rings aren’t a complete lie: there is onion in there. No, not in the rings themselves. Those are made from corn and tapioca starches and other ingredients that aren’t onions. The flavoring powder? That has some onion powder in it, but that means the rings are, at best, onion-flavored.

Know of any foods that shouldn’t exist that Consumer Reports missed? Let us know.

Food fake-out [Consumer Reports]

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