First of all, let me just say that it’s a darn good thing we don’t live in a world where houses are subject to Yelp reviews for Trick-Or-Treating purposes (yet). But it’s still pretty funny to think about all the possibilities for hilarious, cranky and otherwise informative reviews if that were the reality.

HappyPlace.com has a few fictional examples that are perfect if you’re having one of those days when even a cat snuggled in a box can’t cheer you up.

Of course there are plenty of one-star ratings, because Yelp:

“If it were possible to give this place zero stars, I would! I came here expecting to have a lovely time with my friends, and we were treated incredibly rudely by the staff from the beginning. First of all, there were no lights on. None. I thought this was intended to make the place feel more spook but it quickly became clear it was a deterrent to keep away trick-or-treaters! We knocked and knocked and yelled “trick-or-treat” loudly enough for anyone inside to hear, but no one came to the door, even though we could clearly see them watching last week’s Nashville on the couch. Won’t be coming here again anytime soon.”

And another bad experience in our health-conscious times:

“These people just moved to the neighborhood from Oregon and we couldn’t wait to see the kind of variety they’d bring to the local Trick-or-Treating scene. Big mistake. Stay away from this house! Unless you like homemade, vegan “Baby Ruths” baked with stevia and no white flour. Thank God my mom made an excuse to get us off their step mid-way through Mrs. Baylor-Colson’s lecture about pagan magic rituals.”

And the somewhat good:

“My older sister warned us this place was to be avoided at all costs, so naturally I couldn’t help but be curious about what Creepy Mr. Tucker was like. I’d heard the rumors that he’s always sitting silently in a rocking chair by the window, waiting for his dead wife to come back, so I hoped this place would provide an authentically creepy Halloween experience. I was not disappointed!”

My eight-year-old self would’ve loved this — so much easier to find the houses with the full-sized candy bars and avoid all those handing out dental floss. Ugh.

If Trick-Or-Treaters posted reviews of the houses they visit on Yelp. [HappyPlace.com]

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