JC had been limping along with the same smartphone since 2008. The same smartphone, but with an unlimited data plan at Verizon. He had the horrible choice when picking out a new phone: accept a limited data plan, or pay full price for his phone. He chose to send a sarcastic letter to Verizon instead.

I have been a Verizon Wireless customer for many years, and recently while attempting to upgrade my phone, I discovered that I had to either abandon my Unlimited Data plan, or pay full retail. I was furious, but figured there was nothing I could do. I let myself calm down a little bit, and wrote a letter to Verizon customer service. The purpose of the letter was really for me to just blow off some steam and make fun of Verizon, rather than a calculated attempt to get my way. I used the Consumerist trick I learned a few years ago: The EECB. To my surprise, within an hour, I received a phone call from Executive Customer Service, granting me my wish! New phone at discounted rate and I get to keep my UNLTD plan! Thanks Consumerist, you literally saved me 400 dollars!

Dear Verizon Wireless,
I wanted to take a few minutes out of my day to let you know that you suck. Surely this response to your bullying sales tactics and shoddy customer service doesn’t surprise you at this point. Probably the question going through your head is, “In which of the myriad ways that we suck is this customer referencing?” Well, that is why we are here today, to elucidate my complaints and concerns, which I’m sure you are waiting with bated breath to hear.

At this point in time, I take major issue with the railroading of those grandfathered into unlimited data plans into purchasing phones at full retail, rather than being provided the standard 2 year upgrader subsidized pricing. Allow me to provide a bit of background.

I have been A Verizon Wireless customer since the late 90’s, when I excitedly purchased a Nokia brick phone with a calling plan that allowed me a generous 150 texts a month! I was so happy and proud to have a cellphone. The freedom of being able to make and receive calls practically anywhere was very liberating. I have stuck with Verizon for close to 15 years because of literally one reason. The reception. I have been willing to deal with inept and rude customer service for years, because when it gets down to the brass tacks, all that matters is the range and area of my cellphone coverage. In the Philadelphia area, Verizon is the best. Bar none. It was actually a point of pride that I would have at least two or three bars when my friends with AT&T and T-Mobile had no service.

Which brings us to the present, smartphone, data plan era. I have had my unlimited data plan for about two years. When I finally had the money to upgrade to a smartphone from a feature phone, Verizon was the obvious choice, regardless of what shameless promos were being waved in my face by competitors. I bought a Droid X, and was on my way. The key element in what follows is that I was sitting on my upgrader discount, waiting for the right phone. I have not used my upgrade discount since 2008. My indecision only disadvantaged me, because when I look back I could have upgraded twice before the boorish and anti-customer service grandfathered data plan policy fell into place.

This is where I find myself in the situation I am in today, a 3 year old smartphone, limping along, barely functional, but without the $700 dollars at my disposal to buy an upgraded phone. When I first made my displeasure at this policy known to a friendly customer service automaton, he deftly suggested that I “upgrade” my plan from 29.99 UNLTD to a $30 2GB metered plan. What a deal! How could I resist literally paying more for less! The very same month that this brilliant sales pitch was made to me, I used over 3GB of data. So following this salesperson’s advice would have cost me hundreds of dollars. Perhaps what burned the most about this entire situation was that I was given literally NO notice regarding this policy shift and that my upgrade opportunity was about to expire, despite the fact that I had spoken over the phone with reps countless times regarding my account, billing, etc. Ample time to mention such relevant issue to my account.

Now I’m sure you have received countless letters regarding this issue, and at this point I am probably coming off as more than a little whiney. But I felt the need to express how I feel about the situation, and what I have learned. Verizon does not really care about its customers! You know that I am probably not going to switch, or that I will fall for the trick of you offering me a shiny new toy in exchange for my grandfathered data plan. So you can essentially treat me how you want. “You want your data plan? Suck on full retail b*tch!” is the message I am hearing. Loud and clear. The sour taste this situation has left in my mouth has me doing something I never thought I would do. Think about going somewhere else. Not that you give a toss! It’s after 12pm on a Friday, so imagine whoever’s desk this landed on is a few holes deep in the front nine at Ripoff Data Plan Country Club. FORE!

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