Subway Bastard Makes Sandwiches Bad On Purpose

There are those who hate their jobs and those who love to hate their jobs. Chris says he is a Subway sandwich maker who falls into the latter category, putting in extra work to make your sandwich suboptimal. He eats your pain with relish. Here’s what he does to your sandwich:

I’ve been working at subway for about a year and a half, and it always amuses me when people complain about not tessellating cheese [ed. see “This Is Not A Test” – Subway Says It Definitely Will Start Tessellating Cheese July 1]. Now, merely to amuse myself, not only do I not tessellate the cheese, but I also leave gaps in the cheese placement so that an indeterminate amount of your bites will be cheeseless.

Also, I put a really small amount of dressing on your sandwich whenever you ask for it. Then when you ask for more, I squirt out a large quantity before you can say stop so that your sandwich has far too much dressing.

Then, when I cut the sandwich in half, I only cut it 3/4ths of the way through so that you have to messily tear the rest of the sandwich yourself.


– Chris

Thanks Chris! Now I know what to watch out for. If I see you do that to my sandwich, you’ll get to do it all over again until you make it right.


Edit Your Comment

  1. MDSasquatch says:


    • Pencreus says:

      A lot of you guys complaining have probably never worked in retail or with the general public. WE ALL DO THIS to an extent. Drop your TV when we’re in the back, if your extra annoying you get the most tattered box we can find. If your rude we’ll run you in circles and make your acquisition difficult. Go buy it somewhere else please. We’re people too, don’t treat us like we’re inferior. “Please” and “Thanks” go miles try it sometime with the people who make your food.

      • Rayne Sylvan says:

        +1, it always amuses me that rude people don’t ever understand why it is they get bad service. Treat me like a vending machine and your drive through wait will be very long indeed ;)

        • MaxH42 thinks RecordStoreToughGuy got a raw deal says:

          Except that he doesn’t say that he does this to rude or jerky customers. It sounds to me like he does this as part of his everyday work routine for every order. Not quite as funny if that’s true.

          But @Pencreus and @Rayne Sullivan are right about treating people like, well, people. Besides, act like a jerk, you may get the “special sauce”. :p

  2. rahntwo says:

    Why is Consumerist posting (and falling for) Trolls???

    • pecan 3.14159265 says:

      So we can take out all the day’s stress on the jerk who won’t tessellate the cheese.

      • raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

        And actually, I kind of like every bite to be a little inconsistent; more cheese here, less there, none there, it adds a teensy weensy bit of variety to what is usually an extremely boring last-resort meal.

  3. grucifer says:

    Must be crappy to be so miserable.

  4. eekfuh says:

    Lol. I think Chris and I would be good friends.

    • Dutchess says:

      Oh, so you’re both passive aggresive tools who perform unskilled labor in low paying jobs with absolultely no chance of ever improving your situtaion because you have a crappy attidude…

      Well done you!

      • februarymakeup says:

        I nominate “attidude” as the word we use for someone who exhibits this sort of behavior.

        Who’s with me?

    • zibby says:

      You know, I want to hate this guy…but then I imagine a Consumerist reader whining about improper cheese tessellation and my dislike is seriously mitigated.

    • cevans467931 says:

      Me too, and Dutchess, wouldn’t a tool be described as someone who is being willingly used by someone for less than satisfactory pay like say, a subway employee who just took people’s crap?

      Or maybe it can best be described as someone who holds a holier than thou attidude in the comments section of a website.

      • Dutchess says:

        Cevans, no what I think it’s hilarious when people flame someone in a comment and then do the exact same thing they’re flaming about.

        Talk about holier than thou “attidude”.

  5. Darrone says:

    I think everyone who’s had a crappy, near wage-less, soul crushing job knows that these tactics are only supposed to be for people that piss you off. Have you no honor?

    • Bob Lu says:

      True. But when you are doing a crappy, near wage-less, soul crushing job, EVERYONE pisses you off.

      • DPST says:

        This is exactly what is wrong with this country. Do every job well- take pride in your work no matter how pointless or soul crushing. The sort of people who stay in soul crushing jobs are the sort of people who take no pride in anything they do.

        • Savari says:

          One of all time favorite blanket statements is “and that’s what is wrong with this country.”

          I don’t think being a jackass is confined to one country…I’m pretty sure people everywhere display this behaviour.

        • RobSmalls says:

          Dr. Charles J. Sykes said it best on the subject: “Your grandparents didn’t think that flipping burgers was beneath them. They had another word for it – opportunity.”

      • SJActress says:

        I’m pretty sure that if the SAME people are working there 7 years later, it has nothing to do with the shitty economy.

    • erciesielski says:

      When I had a crappy, near wage-less, soul crushing job at McDonalds for 4 years during school, making sure that the customer was happy was my main goal. I hate people who have the mentality of “Customers are assholes, my time is important, how dare you ask for extra pickles.” You have the job you have because that’s what you’re worth. Want a better job, make yourself worth more. Start by ridding yourself of the shitty attitude.

      • oloranya says:

        Or it means the economy is the in shitter and there aren’t enough not-crappy jobs to go around. Please don’t assume everyone who works at a low wage retail/food service/etc. job is a talentless high school dropout with no future.

      • erciesielski says:

        Of course I don’t assume that. I worked at McDonalds for 4 years. There were 2 different types of people. The people who were there working through school and the people who were there because they got fired from Pizza Hut for smoking pot in the freezer. The people working through school were great to work with. They showed up on time, had good teamwork, followed regulations… but the ones who had the job because that’s what they could get took hour long breaks and used spatulas they dropped on the floor. Those co-workers were the only ones who constantly complained how they couldn’t find a better job. When I go back to my hometown to that restaurant (7 years later) they’re all still there. Still working the same crappy, near wage-less, soul crushing job. I’m not saying that if he had more pride in what he did and wanted it bad enough he’d be able to walk into a corporate office and get a job right this second. What I’m saying is anyone I’ve ever known who complained about having to do their job, the job they’re being paid money to do, is still right in the same position they were years ago. Anyone who sucked it up and made their own success somehow moved on to better things.

        • creative differences says:

          notably, the people you put in the best category are those within the category that you, yourself, happened to fall into. i worked at a&w for 2 years alongside students paying their way through school, and i found *many* of them to be arrogant, impatient, disrepectful (to coworkers and to customers) and unreliable. i guess it depends which side you are watching from…

    • bwcbwc says:

      But what if I’m pissed off at the world?

  6. Omali says:

    Until Chris makes the sandwich wrong and gets tasered by some nutjob, not that I’m saying Chris wouldn’t deserve it.

  7. Daverson says:

    Obvious troll is obvious.

    • Draygonia says:

      Obvious meme is obvious…

      Back to topic. Chris is a *$@#ing asshat! lol… I could just imagine being stressed all day long and then I snap when he doesn’t tessellate my cheese right…

  8. SagarikaLumos says:

    There’s hating your job, but that’s just being dickish. If he really wanted to sabotage sandwiches, he’d put a small amount of dressing on sandwiches for the people who didn’t request it, make sure that his gloves always are soaking wet with hot pepper vinegar so that it tastes funny or hot for the people who don’t like peppers. Also make sure that all of the veggies are totally cross-contaminated so that little bits of everything end up in any sandwich.

    At least it’s not body fluids.

    • TouchMyMonkey says:

      Subway sandwiches are usually made in the customer’s presence. It’s kind of hard to get away with anything less subtle.

      • Voxxen says:

        Its actually pretty easy to contaminate a Subway sandwich. Try putting something nasty in the knife container.

        Though, in the end, its not like anyone who eats at Subway and expects anything but bottom-grade garbage is intelligent enough to notice or even care that their sandwich is made wrong anyways. Only when there isn’t enough fatty, disgusting processed pseudo-meat, fake cheese or heavily waxed/dyed vegetables to suit their level of obesity. Mmm, eat fresh!

  9. JGB says:

    Another Poly Sci major enters the work force

  10. ysthsncnsmrst says:

    A true passive-aggressive wouldn’t blow his cover :)
    I work in IT and sometimes deal with impatient morons. Nothing more satisfying than giving them the “special rush treatment” they deserve.

    • Beave says:

      With an attitude like that you wonder why IT jobs are getting outsourced to India right and left?

      IT is a support service. You don’t make the company a dime. You don’t design products, make them, market them, or sell them. It’s your job to make sure the people who do those things are doing it as efficiently as possible and their technology needs are being supported. Pity that most IT people don’t get that. If it weren’t for locked administrative rights and the host of resource draining applications and policies that IT departments put in to justify their existence, most people would hardly ever need IT.

      • Anathema777 says:

        So what you’re saying is that you know nothing about the IT department?

      • Doncosmic says:

        You have no idea what you are talking about.

      • sweaterhogans says:

        You have to be a troll. Companies would FALL APART without IT. I’m only a web designer, and people fall apart without me because for some reason web designers often double as tech support. Perhaps we need to outsource the jobs of marketing people who think that every project should take no longer than 5 minutes and that just sending emails all day is hard work.

        Everyone should take 5 minutes out of their day to learn some computer basics, like how to refresh a webpage. (No joke I’ve been asked that more than once, even by people on the “digital technologies” team…)

      • sweaterhogans says:

        You have to be a troll. Companies would FALL APART without IT. I’m only a web designer, and people fall apart without me because for some reason web designers often double as tech support. Perhaps we need to outsource the jobs of marketing people who think that every project should take no longer than 5 minutes and that just sending emails all day is hard work.

        Everyone should take 5 minutes out of their day to learn some computer basics, like how to refresh a webpage. (No joke I’ve been asked that more than once, even by people on the “digital technologies” team…)

      • AngryK9 says:

        IT (and just about every other) jobs are getting outsourced to India right and left for one simple reason: Greed. It has nothing to do with employee attitudes, and everything to do with executive pocket-lining.

  11. H3ion says:

    It amuses me that out of millions of sperm, this joker was the fastest.

    • raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

      hahah, that reminds me of my motivational speech. It’s short and sweet, and proves that everyone starts out life as a winner.

      “You’re the sperm that won!”

      (it even works for artificial insemination–but in that case, it’s not like winning a race but more like winning the lottery.)

      I keep meaning to make it into a T-shirt.

  12. NarcolepticGirl says:

    This post is ridiculous.

    But in any case –
    I would be fine with all that. I don’t care about where my cheese is placed (if I even request it – usually I don’t) and I don’t like “dressings”. And who cares if the bread isn’t cut all the way? It usually isn’t anywhere else I go.

  13. smo0 says:

    I never have issues at my subway, I see the same faces there for 2-3 years (I can’t tell if that’s good or depressing) and I always tip! In fact, i never even have to order – the girls that makes my sandwich knows what I want and how much of it.
    Advice someone told me a long ass time ago…

    no matter how shitty your job is – be the best you can at it – it makes you less stressed at the end of the day.

    5 years later…. yeah, that’s a true statement.

    • AngryK9 says:

      I never considered tipping anyone at a subway. *Contemplates* Interesting…

      • RvLeshrac says:

        Every once in a while, if I have cash, and if the person making my sandwich has done a pretty good job of it in the past, I *consider* tipping. Otherwise, they’re just fast-food workers. They get paid a minimum wage.

        These people aren’t delivery drivers who have to burn up their engines, nor are they waiters who have to deliver huge piles of food and ensure that your needs are met while working for $4/hr. They only deserve a tip if they’ve gone above and beyond.

        • Thespian says:

          $4 an hour? It’s only $2.13 in my state.

          • yusefyk says:

            Actually, it’s still minimum wage if tips don’t make the amount more.

            • Thespian says:

              Um, no. It’s $2.13, period, at least here in Texas.

              • jenjenjen says:

                Are Subway workers on the line really tipped workers though? At Subway they have a tip jar, but I never really got the sense that most people even use it.

                • Southern says:

                  No, Subway workers are not tipped workers; they work for at least Federal Minimum Wage (and in most cases, a bit more).

                  I still tip a buck a sandwich though. *Shrug*. I usually ask for extra veggies though (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, banana pepper, olives & onions) and because they know I tip they never give me any flak about it.

              • Dover says:

                Uh, no, if the employee doesn’t make enough tips to reach federal minimum wage, the employer has to make up the difference:


    • Awesome McAwesomeness says:

      It will also make you happier at your job. Doing a good job and knowing it lifts your spirits. People may be more positive and appreciative towards you, which in turn may help you to be more satisfied with your job. Some people seem to forget that they aren’t doing the customer a favor by doing their job. They are doing themselves a favor.

  14. MercuryPDX says:

    Chris: The Mapplethorpe of Sandwich Artists

  15. Yoko Broke Up The Beatles says:

    That’s it, Chris? Watch me while I feign anger.

    All this stuff would make me just kind of shrug my shoulders and then continue to eat my sandwich. It sounds like Chris thinks he is more important that he actually probably is.

  16. pantheonoutcast says:


    What brand tissues do you use when you frustratingly masturbate / sob yourself to sleep at night?

  17. Tracer Bullet says:

    Hell, it’s not like Subway sandwiches taste very good even when made correctly.

  18. dolemite says:

    How do you make a Subway sandwhich worse than it already is? It’s like saying “when I clean your septic tank, I purposely don’t scrape the sides” or something.

    I never eat there, but my wife likes it, so I must endure it from time to time. It’s like an assembly line of things you don’t know about, and there are usually 10 people waiting behind you that are regulars, so the pressure is on. “Ok, I want…I guess a meatball.” “You want cheese?” “Sure…let me see what cheeses you have…where are cheeses? Oh…I see 3. Ummm none of those 3 look like they go well with a meatball, so I guess I’ll have provolone. Wait…what are those containers?” “Cheese” “What’s that?” “Mozarella” “Well, hell, of course I want that instead of provolone…why isn’t that cheese listed anywhere? It’s the secret cheese?”

    • pz says:

      It sounds more like these other people are having to endure you.

    • edosan says:

      If Subway is really that complicated for you, I’d suggest steering clear of eating out altogether.

    • chrishickman says:

      So you’re that assbag that has been waiting 10 minutes but has not begun to think about what they want to eat until they get to the front of the line, ok. I’ll bet you start writing your check at the grocery store after the last item is scanned, too.

  19. bitslammer says:

    LOL I had a guy get pissy when I asked for more dressing. He, like the person in the article, then proceeded to be an ass and drown the sandwhicthat that point. After that I said “Thanks, but that’s a bit overboard. Since you don’t seem unable to make a decent sandwhich I’ll just go grab some Wendy’s” and walked out. The manger was furious at that guy.

    Of course I wasn’t going to ask him to make another as I’m sure he’d try and do something worse to the next sandwhich.

    • Omali says:


      As someone who works in (relatively) fast food (Target Food Ave), your best method of pissing off a bad employee is to make them do it again (and possibly a third time if you’re feeling evil) and then leave.

      If you want to be pure evil, while you’re on your way out say something like “If a sandwich is too complicated for you, then you probably don’t understand basic concepts like sanitation and expiration dates. I’m probably better off eating somewhere else.”

    • Pax says:


      Years ago, at a McDonalds in Boston, I tried ordering a simple, uncomplicated sandwich – all I wanted was a double cheeseburger with JUST ketchup on it. No mustard, no onions, no pickles, now whatever-other-condiment-you-might-name. Just ketchup. And please note, I paid the full price for a double cheeseburger (note: a double HAMburger was a different, and lower-priced, menu item – a difference of some thirty cents).

      So, I get to my table and unwrap my sandwich … Bun, check; Two burger patties; check; ketchup, check.

      … cheese? Nope, none there.

      Well, back up to the counter, faulty sandwich and receipt in hand, point out I’d ordered and paid for a double CHEESE-burger. Bad sandwich is thrown out, new sandwich is made, I go back to my table (where my girlfriend is already almost done with HER dinner), unwrap the sandwich, and … Bun, check; Two burger patties; check; ketchup, check; cheese, check (yayy!).

      Wait, um … pickles, mustard, DIDN’T I ASK FOR “KETCHUP ONLY” …?

      Back to the counter. Explain as carefully as I can what I ordered, and wanted, and PAID FOR.

      At this point I should probably mention that not ONE person behind the counter was fluent in English (manager included!), AND, no three of them shared a single language between them. *sigh* Keep in mind, this is in Boston Massachusetts. Across the street from North Station, one of the two Commuter Rail hubs, and thus VERY much an English-speaking neighborhood/area.

      Anyway, a THIRD sandwich is made. I get back to the table with it, and unwrap it – now fully expecting them to have somehow STILL managed to screw up. And they did not disappoint me in that, because … now I had a double-cheeseburger with everythign EXCEPT ketchup on it.

      I have never before, nor since, been in a fast-food restaurant and DEMANDED MY MONEY BACK. But that night, I did precisely that. Three times, they tried to fill my order correctly. Three times, they failed.

      And really, how hard is it to understand “Double cheeseburger, ketchup only” …??

      • Alvis says:

        I’ve ordered a double cheeseburger with “just cheese on it” and received a sandwich with just cheese, no meat.

        • RvLeshrac says:

          To be fair, I worked in a deli for years. We eventually got so used to the dumbest people* placing the most idiotic orders** that we stopped questioning things. If you ordered a sandwich with “just cheese on it,” we’d probably have given you a bun with cheese.

          *”I’d like a , hold the bacon.” “The with cheese is actually less expensive, and the only differ-” “I SAID I want a , with NO BACON.”

          **”Why is there cheese on this?! I told you people that I ONLY WANTED LETTUCE.”

          • RvLeshrac says:

            Bah. Post, ruined. :/

            *”I’d like a [turkey club sandwich], hold the bacon.” “The [turkey sandwich] with cheese is actually less expensive, and the only differ-” “I SAID I want a [turkey club sandwich], with NO BACON.”

        • koalabare says:

          My girlfriend used to work at a McDonalds and she said people would order “Cheeseburger with no meat or condiments” semi-regularly.

      • HogwartsProfessor says:

        That is how I order mine, and it’s like they can’t get that through their heads. I’ve never gotten one without the cheese, but I usually get all the crap I said DON’T put on it.


    • Awesome McAwesomeness says:

      Love the response. I’m going to have to put that one in my play book.

  20. LinebackerU says:

    The horror! Such a frightening act might force e to eat lunch at one of the 17 other fast food restaurants near Chris’s Subway.

  21. c_c says:

    This article implies that there is such thing as a good Subway sandwich. I disagree with that premise.

  22. Smashville says:


  23. YamiNoSenshi says:

    Wow, your life is shallow and empty.

  24. 5seconds says:

    If this guy is so pathetic that THIS is the best he can do to rage at the world, then he has my pity.

  25. Blow a fuse? I can fix that... says:

    I make my own crappy sandwiches at home?

  26. kmw2 says:

    Introducing cheese variation and dietary moderation into what is otherwise a drearily subpar sandwich that really only bears a passing resemblance to something I’d want to eat? How could you, Chris? How could you?

  27. gatortarheel says:

    I am impressed this person speaks English.

  28. Supes says:

    I’ve definitely stopped going to a deli near my work because I was upset how one employee made my sandwiches. The sad thing one all of the other employees were fine, just one person consistently put very strange quantities of the various ingredients on (way too much or way too little) despite trying to instruct him otherwise. Don’t know if it was out of spite or ignorance.

    At first I just tried requesting someone else make the sandwich, but during the lunch rush this isn’t easy. Turned out to be easier to go somewhere else instead of taking the chance of getting a crappy sandwich.

  29. anime_runs_my_life says:

    So how long before Subway demands to know which location Chris works at so that he can be “retrained”?

  30. Skellbasher says:

    I detect sarcasm.

  31. brinks says:

    Some of us have crappy jobs and eating Subway, instead of my own PBJ, is somewhat if a treat. If this douche drowned my sandwich in dressing out of spite, I’d be upset.

    Chris, I know your job sucks. So does mine. I’m not going to be a bitch to you, so how about not wasting my last $5? Truce?

    • Voxxen says:

      If you’re spending your last $5 on bottom-of-the-barrel fast food, you deserve whatever Chris gives you.

      • brinks says:

        If I’m at work and forgot to bring lunch, I have very limited options near by. Panera’s on the expensive side when you’re broke, and McDonald’s is…well…McDonald’s. And that’s all I have to choose from.

  32. grrrarrrg says:

    if you really don’t want to work…
    please quit, and let some undocumented worker take your place.

    • Dallas_shopper says:

      Oh god, NO. I already have to order my sandwich in Spanish at Subway and the undocumenteds there are so stingy with ALL of the vegetables that I have to keep prodding them. “Mas cebolla por favor. Mas pepino por favor. Mas pimiento por favor. Mas lechuga por favor. Un poco mas mostaza por favor.”

      I get REALLY sick of that. I shouldn’t have to order ANYTHING in Spanish inside the borders of this country. When I went to a Subway in Cancun (yep, they have them there), I ordered my sandwich in Spanish. Why? Because I was in Mexico, where Spanish is spoken. It’s common courtesy. If only they’d extend us the same courtesy as they invade our country.

      • izl says:

        Yes, because everyone who speaks Spanish must be an illegal. /s

        If you don’t like to order in Spanish, go to another Subway, guey.

        • Dallas_shopper says:

          It’s the same story at every Subway I’ve been to in the DFW metro area, ese.

          Oh, and no English pretty much ALWAYS = illegal. I have yet to meet a legal Hispanic immigrant who did not speak at least passable English. When you have someone whose hand is hovering expectantly above the vegetables, waiting for you to POINT to the ones you want because they don’t know the English words for them, you can be pretty damn sure you’re dealing with a fence jumper.

          • izl says:

            I know at least 20 people that speak Spanish only (some with terrible fragmented English) that were born and raised here or they just immigrated and are legal. How in the hell can you possibly know a person’s immigration status by how they speak English?

            You should just move to Arizona, where they can take people that speak Spanish to jail just for being “too Mexican”. That way you don’t have to encounter anyone that doesn’t speak the King’s English, like you do.

            • Dallas_shopper says:

              Oh please, cry me a river. Usually non-English speaking natural-born US citizens are mentally retarded or have grown up in extremely sheltered environments. I wouldn’t expect to encounter them by the thousands in a major urban center. Get a clue.

              If you are going to move to this country, you must learn the language. If you are going to work in a public-facing job (like food service or retail), you should be able to speak English. There’s no excuse for not being able to speak the language unless you’re a mental midget.

              Oh, and while we’re on the subject…I speak four languages myself. So it’s not like I don’t practice what I preach. And when I’m in Mexico, I speak Spanish. I make a very concentrated effort to make myself understood in THEIR language. Why? Because it’s THEIR country and Spanish is the language spoken there. Too bad that courtesy doesn’t go both ways.

              You need to dry your eyes and stop crying for illegals. They’re criminals and have no business being in this country.

              • izl says:

                Y’r bscll n dt bcs y strtyp ll ppl wh dn’t spk nglsh wll mst b llgls nd/r ‘mntll rtrdd’. nd ths s mrc, w hv n ffcl lngg, sshl. Gt ff yr ‘ knw lnggs’ (hh yh rght) hgh hrs nd rlz tht nt vryn cn b frtnt s y. Hv grrrr-rt d.

              • BomanTheBear says:

                I really don’t like this argument, because America was founded as a melting pot. It’s the sum of its parts. English is not the national language because the national language can fluctuate. Hell, if it was the official language, it’s likely Spanish would be in a couple decades.

                Also, your statement is wrong. I’m a white guy who’s fluent in Spanish, and a couple years ago, I worked with a crew of sixteen latinos. All but two were here with legal 2 year work visas, and not one of them spoke a word of English.

          • Awesome McAwesomeness says:

            This is why I only frequent local sandwich shops where hippies or college kids work. They seem to be pretty adept at putting together a good sandwich.

  33. donovanr says:

    My friends and I have always thought there was something broken at Subway with each Subway being broken in a slightly different way. This goes right back into the 80’s. One of the oddities that I see with Subways are the lack of any obvious management. Just some unhappy kids wrestling with a slow line.

  34. socritic says:

    So, no more eating at Subway. Not only is the food not so great, now i have to accommodate a self appointed master of sandwiches?

  35. mannyvel says:

    Why not go fight club on the sandwiches?

  36. SpongeBathSquarePants says:

    Well, thats one more place scratched off my list of businesses I will frequent. The locally owned shops use more meat and great bread anyway,and are genuinely glad for my business.

    • Voxxen says:

      Amen. Please tell all your friends. Fast-food chain joints don’t deserve your business as they certainly don’t give a shit about you or what quality food they serve as long as they make a buck. They treat their employees like retarded slave labor, too, so there is the human rights aspect as well.

      Local shops are always 1000% better, and often cheaper to boot. How is $5-10 for a bottom-grade unhealthy sandwich a good deal?

  37. odarkshineo says:

    he sounds like any other fast food worker, how is this a story?…if he has worked there a year he must be better than most.

  38. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    I always ask for a small amount of mustard, and they always pour it on, and then I have to ask them to take some of it off. Annoying.

  39. common_sense84 says:

    Why print the rants of a low wage worker who hates the customers that enable him to even have the job he has?

    Everyone is going to laugh at the loser.

  40. pdj79 says:

    Then, after you make my sandwich, I will say “Nevermind, I’m not hungry anyway” and leave the store. Ass!

  41. MrBryan says:

    Why are you all so outraged? He works at Subway. He’s the lowest form of human life. If you eat there, you are just as bad. Move on.

  42. yessongs says:

    That’s why Subway sucks, and I never eat there.

  43. leastcmplicated says:

    why are we feeding the troll?? Chris can be a dick all he wants, its not my money he’s taking… you make my sandwich before I pay right? I watch you make it right? I’ll just walk out. *shrug*

    On another note, every Subway I’ve been to has had nothing but nice “Sandwich Artists”. Aaaaand if I really want a sub, i’ll go to Publix.

  44. allknowingtomato says:

    1. chris should be fired. If you are so offended by my asking for a made-to-order sandwich at a friggin’ made-to-order sandwich shop, why are you working there? and if are just lazy or you hate your job, it’s less energy to apathetically make a mediocre sandwich than to actively make a shitty one. I thought for the last year and a half the job situation has been awful; shouldn’t there have been literally hundreds of people eager to do his/her job well and with enthusiasm?

    Also, I may have experienced chris or a kindred spirit in the wild. Outcome? Once I noticed how sloppily the sandwich was being made, I insisted the guy start over. When he did the, “oh? you wanted a little mayonnaise? here’s none. Oh you want a little more? here’s 1/2 a cup,” I insisted he remove some mayonnaise. I can play this game back. I know you just fully assembled my sandwich, can you mostly take it apart and toast it now? actually, can I have a footlong now? I want to micromanage you making the exact same sandwich again.

    Then I looked in my purse and declared that i “forgot” my wallet (sandwich would have tasted like vitriol anyway at that point). Subway guy can eat that poorly constructed, hideous monstrosity of a sandwich. Then he can eat me.

  45. bwcbwc says:

    You say Chris is the BSMFH?

  46. vastrightwing says:

    I’m a KILLJOY: I only order #1, #2, etc. I just don’t care what I get because when I go to any fast food place, my expectations are lower than what even Chris provides. No complicated orders for me. In fact, If I order something and I don’t get what I actually ordered, I usually don’t even care.

  47. TVGenius says:

    Those three things sound like what about 90% of Subway employees do. One lady that I frequently get subs from has decided since she ‘likes’ me, that means I need her to sneak me more meat/cheese/condiments (esp. sauces). So much for eating there cause it’s healthy.

  48. JuanHunt says:

    Chris is obviously overqualified for the sandwich making, and should immediatly move into a management position.

  49. MongoAngryMongoSmash says:

    Chris sounds like a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.

  50. porkchop_ascendency says:

    Subway is crap, anyway. I long gave up getting meatball subs from the lone mental defective working the counter who gets confused easily.

  51. dreamfish says:

    I suppose he’d really hate me as I only occasionally go into Subway which means when I order I can’t just reel off *all* the stages and use all the exact phrases so they have to actually ask me questions – which they often do with an irritated expression.

  52. Shonky McShonk says:

    now if he’d only put that much brain power toward getting an education so he didn’t have to work at subway

  53. teamplur says:

    I had a girl make a subway for me at Mission Valley Mall in San Diego, not long before I got stationed out here on the east coast. It was the worst sub i’d ever seen. To paraphrase what I told my wife, she made it with the skill of blind cripple performing manual stimulation of a phallus to a stranger. I think we were in a hurry so I didn’t bother to say anything, but I haven’t been back to that subway since.

    • koalabare says:

      So…shortly before you moved to the east coast, you got a sub made on the west coast, and you haven’t been back to the sub place since?

      I wouldn’t travel 3000 miles for a sub either, even if it was fantastic.

  54. thehammer says:

    Thanks chris!! When you come in to my store and buy electronics i am going to remove the power cord from anything you buy. Good luck using that HD OLED TV with the power cord cut off!!

    Wait a second, that was a description of every subway I’ve ever been to…. This isn’t a confession of one employee this is their business model!!

  55. teke367 says:

    Sounds more like a customer who hasn’t had a good experience with Subway, than an actual pissy Subway employee (of which I’m sure there are plenty).

    But really, the only jobs that you should be embarrased to have are the ones you take pride in doing poorly.

    Anyway, I’m in NJ. No excuse to go to a Subway if you’re within range of a Jersey Mikes, or a Tasty’s

  56. polyeaster says:

    what a douche…

  57. bdcw says:

    What a loser.

  58. jonsheline says:

    Wow…what a douchebag. Someone like me who was out of work for 18 months before getting a job as a grocery cashier (and in this economy, I feel lucky to have snagged that), and being “customer service oriented” looks at service workers like you as pretty scummy. Guess what? There’s no shortage of rude customers with a sense of entitlement. Get over it. There’s a difference in blowing off steam away from the workplace, and actually trying to retaliate with an asshat customer whom you think is specifically trying to ruin your day.
    Sad thing is, it’s usually your type that gets hired before my type, because apparently management at these places prefer to hire complete dicks over someone who might actually do the job well, and (gasp) make people want to come back. Even if it is for peanuts.
    In other words…low pay has never been an excuse for this kind of asswipery. Maybe if you didn’t have your job, you wouldn’t have to maintain this angst….

  59. Beeker26 says:

    Dude is my new hero!

  60. MyLiLPony says:

    that’s not very sandwich artist of you chris. now make my sammich right!!!

  61. DrXym says:

    If I were getting paid minimum wages to make basically the same damned sandwich all day I’d probably find little ways to amuse myself although probably not at the customers expense unless they were being a prick.

  62. shenaniganz08 says:

    Dear Consumerist

    Why are we putting sad losers/trolls in the spotlight

    If you don’t like your job quit, don’t just show up and do a crappy job in order to piss off customers. Imagine if every employee thought like this.

  63. shenaniganz08 says:

    Dear Consumerist

    Why are we putting sad losers/trolls in the spotlight

    If you don’t like your job quit, don’t just show up and do a crappy job in order to piss off customers. Imagine if every employee thought like this.

  64. GoSpursGo says:

    Can you provide Chris’ contact info? We would get along just fine.

  65. clarkbarr says:

    That’s why I go to Blimpie!

  66. zt says:

    I was under the impression that the Consumerist was a website dedicated to protecting consumer rights, not for providing a soapbox that encourages people to brag about how they are making life more difficult for consumers. This post has nothing to do with a company policy, or with a widespread problem, or anything really. It is someone describing how he likes to be a jerk. Why are you encouraging this?

  67. Crazytree says:

    Chris should have studied harder in school.

  68. DEVO says:

    Many years ago at my first job at Round Table I liked tormenting children. If there was a big pizza party, I would cut the pizza all different sizes. Really large and really small. If you remember what it was like when you were 6 and got the small piece. It was a pretty major deal of stress.

    • creative differences says:

      that made me laugh out loud. i honestly thought it must be carelessness when there are wee wedges alternating with giant slices!

  69. gargunkle says:

    Chris is a douche, but if I had a Subway job I would probably do stuff like that too.

  70. legolex says:


  71. Ichabod says:

    IF you eat that crap you deserve it! Funny funny funny!

  72. AugustaCassiopeia says:

    I bet the “Subway Bastard” laments daily that he’s stuck in a minimum wage job. Luckily, this
    asshat will likely be stuck in that job.

  73. Dallas_shopper says:

    What an ass. I’d ask him to go right back down the line and start over again, or I’d just walk out (and/or complain to his manager). You can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting a Subway. If he doesn’t want to do his job properly, I’ll find someone who does.

    • Voxxen says:

      Or you could go to a restaurant that was cheaper, healthier, better quality and treated their employees properly. You know, like, anywhere else? Subway is the absolute bottom of the barrel in terms of fast food.

  74. DragonThermo says:

    I thought the cutting 3/4 the way in the middle was standard procedure? I can’t tell you when I’ve had any kind of sub sandwich that was cut all the way through. And I don’t even get all worked up over tessellated cheese.

    • Syntania says:

      Actually, it usually is cut 3/4 of the way for the simple fact if it’s cut all the way, it has more of a tendency to fall apart when you handle it. However, standard procedure is to leave a bit of only the roll attached. If you don’t cut the meat thru, it’s harder to pull apart.

  75. elladisenchanted says:

    Isn’t this every worker in every Subway location in Metro Seattle? (It’s gotten to the point i refuse to go to the one across the street from school since they’re so bitter and so mean and make “errors” in their favor since they figure every student has rich parents paying for it all. Yeah, sorry you *think* i don’t understand the language you’re speaking, but i do.)

  76. nkash001 says:

    How about Chris gives his job to somebody who actually wants it and will do it well?

  77. darksly says:

    no self respecting person would every eat at Subway… its so nasty… they have taken something so quick and easy as a submarine sandwich and bastardized it with their disgusting cold cuts, slimy cheese, and microwaved meets… no matter where you are… the mom and pop pizza shop down the street makes a better sandwich…how does Subway continue to exist?

    • Voxxen says:

      Because the average American consumer has the IQ of a gnat. I swear, every person that actively chooses Subway over any other available restaurant needs to be fixed so the stupid doesn’t spread. The prices are insane ($5-10 for a sandwich? Are you kidding me?) the food is extremely unhealthy (read the fine print on the health info. 6-inch, no cheese, 1tsp of sauce, bare minimum of veggies, white/wheat only,) and it doesn’t even taste very good.

      I know for a fact that Subway meats are the lowest possible grade you can get away with serving the public, and the taste shows. Hell, I’ve known poor folks that worked there who would skip their employee meal and just eat ramen or something at home its so bad.

      Why are there so many of them if they’re so awful? Owning one is like a license to print money. The profit margin on the average $5 sandwich is about $3, more (much, much, much more) on expensive stuff like the philly/dogfood. Given that the cost of food is accounted for and the average workload is about 15-20 customers per hour per employee, the profit margin is obviously insane. This attracts the shadiest assholes looking to make easy money, which is why every Subway is a shithole whether you realize it or not.

      Are the employees nice to you and make your sandwich correctly? They probably just like your tips, otherwise they secretly hate you and just put on a fake smile to get you to go away, because there isn’t a soul in this world that actually enjoys working there. Some people just aren’t fortunate enough to lucksack into a sweet job without lots of cash or a hand up.

    • areaman says:

      I forgot how out of place those microwavable paper treys look like. Kind looks like kids cooking something without mom and dad’s help. Another post on here reminded me of how cold cuts at Subway at saturated with water.

      For the post below, owning a Subway store is NOT a license to print money. They treat their franchisees like shit. Quiznos is the only one that treats their franchisees even shitter.

  78. soj4life says:

    finally someone makes my sandwich the way i want it.

  79. Syntania says:

    I work in a convenience store/deli on the east coast, and all of our sandwiches are completely custom, as in they only come with whatever the customer requests, no more, no less. I want to kill those people who order a sandwich “with everything”, or “with whatever comes on it”. Uh, ok, Mr. Everything, so you want 3 types of mustard, mayo, miracle whip, 4 types of sauces, oil, vinegar, horseradish, every freaking veggie we have, and salt, pepper, and oregano? Yum, enjoy that. And you, Ms. Whatever Comes On It, that would be the type of meat on the sandwich. That’s it. That’s all that comes on it unless you specify anything else. It wouldn’t be so bad but when you try to explain how it works to these people, nine times out of ten they argue with you like you are supposed to be a world-renowned psychic and know exactly what they want.

  80. dwtomek says:

    I didn’t think it was possible to make the subway sandwich worse. Note that I refer to it as “the subway sandwich” due to the fact that anything you get there will taste identical excepting the choice of dressing.

  81. Puddy Tat says:


    You’re a miserable little sh*t – didn’t your father ever teach you that anything you do you should do it with pride?

    What an @$$

  82. MisterE says:

    The solution to this is simple: You tell the manager since the employee was unable to make the sandwich, the manager will then have to make it.

  83. eagleapex says:

    Cosmis Deli around the corner makes sandwiches the way I want them. Also Subway smells horrible every time I get downwind.

  84. guspaz says:

    “Also, I put a really small amount of dressing on your sandwich whenever you ask for it.”

    Well, that at least would be a GOOD thing for me. The one thing I hate about Subway is that, no matter who is serving me, whenever I ask for any sort of sauce (usually mustard), they give me an ENORMOUS amount of it. Even if I try to say “Just a little bit of”, or “a very small amount of” or any other qualifier indicating I want a limited quantity of mustard, they still squeeze that bottle for all they’re worth and load it down with far too much.

  85. conscious says:

    …and then I ask you to make it over again because you didn’t do it properly, and you must continually remake the sandwich until I’m satisfied. Game, set, match, customer.

  86. FiorellaMajumdar says:

    If you choose to eat at Subway, this is what you deserve. It’s like mediocre cart food with the exception that they don’t hitch the store to a car at the end of the day and drive away. Are you really expecting minimum wage workers with no motivation or stake in the company’s success to give a rat’s butt about your food? Yes? Then you’re confused.

  87. Press1forDialTone says:

    You can bet your tessellated cheese:

    1) Find out where Chris works.
    2) Send his manager a copy of the little turd above that he squeezed out.
    3) Slice his tires.
    4) Tessellate his ^&^%$%$#$
    5) Wish him a nice day.

  88. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    He should join the PAFFEU (Passive Agressive Fast Food Employees Union). Honestly, I couldn’t care less about cheese-gaps (but the dressing thing is definitely annoying). Thankfully, though, the integrity of my Subway sandwich pretty low on my worry list.

  89. baristabrawl says:

    I think that every Chris at Subway should be fired to be sure we get this one!

  90. Awesome McAwesomeness says:

    If someone purposely isn’t doing their menial minimum wage job right on purpose, then why don’t they quit instead of exposing the rest of us to their flagrant douche-ary? I hate miserable people who feel the need to spread the love.

  91. infinityspiral says:

    Isn’t this stuff just supposed to be for people that talk down to you like you’re an idiot or that try and get digs in to show off in front of their skanky gf? At least in the movie theater we were discerning and these were the quickest ways to get your expensive popcorn bag packed full of tiny kernels, or to earn yourself that hot dog that’s been sitting on the roller for the last 7 hours. Not to mention some melty gooey m&m’s that have been shelved just a little too close to the popcorn popper.

  92. lumberg says:

    As a former service employee, I can understand the desire to do SOMETHING to get back at the customers. The other day, I was waiting in line at a Subway, and the guy in front of me was jabbering on his cell phone. When his turn came, the Subway associate waited a few moments for the guy to make eye contact then finally had to call him to get his attention. Between sentences of his phone conversation, the guy said what bread he wanted. The associate went and got it, cut it, then asked what meat. Then asked again. Finally the customer looked up and proceeded to look through the ingredients to decide what he wanted and eventually he decided on turkey. This process repeated over and over for each thing he wanted on the sandwich.

    And it all happened right in front of the sign that read, “Please end all cell phone conversations before ordering. Thank you!”

    With customers like that, I’d do things like the author of the article above mentioned. But for friendly reasonable people, there’s no call for that.

    • MishunAcomplisht says:

      Why can’t you just scream at his face at the top of your lungs (or have your manager do it):


      I’m sure everyone behind him will applaud.

  93. Dre' says:

    And I’m the guy that makes “Chris” remake sandwiches for me. I also laugh my ass off on the way out.

  94. MishunAcomplisht says:

    Perhaps we should get him against the building and start tessellating his face, just a little at first, and then when he complains, we completely shred his face, so it can’t all, you know, stay on the bones any more…

    Dude – don’t FUKK with my food.