Just in case Charmin isn’t doing it for you anymore, UK retailer Waitrose has come up with what it calls a “super soft cashmere loo roll,” designed to “put a smile on your face.” Um, no matter what we’re using when we’re doing our duty, it’s unlikely to make us smile.

Waitrose calls the product — which is really just plain old paper with some cashmere extract tossed in — a “little luxury,” and boasts:

For many years, cashmere has had an exclusive aura surrounding it. Fashion retailers today in London’s swanky Burlington Arcade sell beautiful cashmere sweaters for £300 and even a pair of gloves a pricey £70, so this innovative new product makes cashmere affordable, but none the less exclusive.

Carla Smith buyer for Waitrose comments, “Cashmere provides that stamp of quality to any fashion garment from a designer suit to the finest luxury knitwear. It’s indulgent, it’s stylish and it’s helping provide that extra softness to our new premium bathroom tissue collection.”

The “innovative new product” sells for £2.29 ($3.49) for a four-pack, which certainly makes a bargain if the whole idea of wiping with wool appeals to you.

To be honest, we’ve never once thought of using “luxury knitwear” for this purpose, and if this stuff was made of real cashmere, it would probably make us itch. But if you’re in the U.K. and have actually tried this, let us know if it really is any softer than Mr. Whipple’s old standby.

The cashmere collection that’s top for bottoms [Press Release via RecessionWire]

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