Comcast Introduces Literal Nicknames For Customer Service

Check out the nickname for the Comcast CSR who helped Lauren set up her new account. Lauren adds, “‘Nem’ did a good job setting me up, though. I can’t wait to see what the service tech’s name is! Bane, perhaps?”


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  1. temporaryscars says:

    My Comcast nickname: TheEggScrambler

  2. Starrion says:

    Well, I for one am happy they have dropped the act.

    “Hi Thank you for contacting Comcast Customer Service. I am Beelzebub, Lord of the Darkness, how may i abus.. serve you today?”

  3. Starrion says:

    Well, I for one am happy they have dropped the act.

    “Hi Thank you for contacting Comcast Customer Service. I am Beelzebub, Lord of the Darkness, how may i abus.. serve you today?”

    • Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh says:

      I lolled. A lot. It’s funny because I chatted with comcast just a couple of hours ago. Apparently it’s going to cost me 5 dollars more a month to upgrade to HDdvr because I got an HDTV for Christmas. As if I haven’t paid enough rent for the box I’ve had for 4 or 5 years now.

      • Starrion says:

        It’s less funny when IE errors out during posting and refreshing it doesn’t show the comments.

        Consumerist and IE7 don’t seem to get along very well. I wish it were not the corporate standard.

        • SJActress says:

          Can’t you sneak Firefox on there?

          • Starrion says:

            I could, but then IT would come and Uninstall it because it is not an APPROVED APPLICATION. We must use things that are made by Microsoft.

            • Underpants Gnome says:

              At least you get IE7. My company still requires IE6.

              • admiral_stabbin says:

                IE 6. I’m such a nerd I just LOL’d.

                As an IT guy, I feel shame that some of my internal info systems still require IE (7 and 8 work fine with them). The shame is only tempered by the fact that I work for a firm that seems to be shrinking, and thus I don’t have the time anymore to even humor changing most things.

              • rickatnight11 says:

                All CapitalOne associates and contractors require IE6, because CapOne refuses to test the many many internal web apps on anything other than IE 6. I try and get by with what I can on Firefox (although I have to hide it whenever the techs need to remote into my machine…strict no no) but many of the web apps here really don’t work on anything but Firefox. The worst are the ones that use plugins. That just astounds me.

                • West Coast Secessionist says:

                  Hahaha. IE6. With a forward-thinking IT group like that I guess you have to thank them for not keeping you on Windows NT 4.0!

                  To think that customers’ financial information is on machines running that swiss-cheese browser. Eeesh! Hopefully those computers cannot browse to the Internet at all. *crosses fingers*

            • jeffbone says:

              I’m using FF 3.0.something and just had the timeout/double-post effect happen to me. *shrug*

            • Noir says:
            • Brain.wav says:

              I can assure you, that so long as you don’t let it become a problem (know what sites require IE and such), no IT guy in his right mind will uninstall Firefox from your machine. Not unless a manager is breathing down their necks.

  4. Starrion says:

    I for one am glad that they dropped the act.

    “Thanks for calling Comcast Customer Service, I am Beelzebub, Lord of the Darkness. How may I abus… serve you today?”

    And great was the lament of the customers. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth while on hold.

  5. CTAUGUST says:

    This is cute. However, I never understood the benefits of “live chat” for customer service. It’s hard to describe problems and you (in my experience) can call or shoot of an e-mail so much faster.

    • admiral_stabbin says:

      The time to resolution of the problem is significantly faster in many cases than using e-mail.

      That being said, I will also use e-mail in many cases even if a company offers chat (e.g. I just want to return something, and it’s not a time sensitive issue).

    • HoJu says:

      I strongly prefer chat for the same reason ronster does. ALso, If I have something else to do at the same time I don’t have to commit myself to a phone call.
      It’s the urgency of a phone call with the convenience of an email. Two great tastes that taste great together.

  6. darklighter says:

    Did Lauren talk to Nemesis only after speaking with Generations, First Contact, and Insurrection?

  7. diasdiem says:

    The guy in charge of customer retention is probably called Mephistopheles.

  8. Brazell says:

    Y’know… this COULD actually be the person’s name. I’ve seen stranger names in the newspaper.

  9. jeffbone says:

    Based on those first 8 to 10 lines, it appears to me the CSR’s true name is really “Eliza”.

  10. Baccus83 says:

    I once knew a girl whose middle name was Nemesis. She was Greek. I asked her what it meant and she basically said Nemesis was a spirit that made sure people got what they deserve. Usually in a bad way, though not always.

  11. Joedragon says:

    Is Nemesis a bot? or part bot part real person?

    • Bob Lu says:

      clearly there were some pre-scripted message.

    • Excuse My Ambition Deficit Disorder says:

      Yes it is called the Borg…come on, am I the only one here that can see through this. Can’t you see the real text the chat message:

      “We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own…” “Resistance is Futile”

  12. DadCooks says:

    What makes you think that any of these live chats are with real people. Most of them are bots that pick up on keywords in your typing. The CSR companies realize that a bot can read from and follow a script better than a person.

    • Fred E. says:

      I have never encountered a bot in these live chats. They have copy & pasted (or something with the same effect) but it has always been a real person, no doubt.

  13. Worm says:

    There’s a waitress at the IHOP near my house named Nemesis. Guess she’s doing work for Comcast now as well.

  14. badgeman46 says:

    Nemesis, and her three kids…Cialis, Chantix, and Levitra.

  15. Elphaba says:

    Her supervisor’s name? Voldemort.

  16. Charmander says:

    They probably let the CSRs choose their user names, and many people don’t realize that Nemesis means the same thing as enemy. I think it’s funny!

    Remember a few years back when Nike was set to launch a new shoe called “Incubus”? It probably sounded cool to them, but nobody bothered to find out the actual meaning of the word: an evil spirit which has sex with women while they sleep. I am not making this up!

  17. Crazytree says:

    “Do you know what “nemesis” means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an ‘orrible cunt… me.”

  18. dantsea says:

    When I once temped as an AA for a department store buyer, my counterpart at one of our NY vendors was a stylish young lady who went by the name Nemesis. She was really nice, though.

    • vesper says:

      Still won’t work for me. For the past five minutes, I’ve thought of having s3x with a girl named Nemesis. It wouldn’t work. That name just does not work. Do I scream out her name as Nemesis? Or Nemy? Maybe she’d have a middle-name? My luck it would be my mom’s first name then I’d really be screwed (no pun intended).

  19. PresidentBeeblebrox says:

    I have had some bizarre Comcast chat experiences in which I couldn’t tell whether I was dealing with a human or a script. The script theory came about because some of the “analyst”‘s answers were so weird/inappropriate that it was doubtful they came from a human, i.e., asking me three times in a row how I was doing, failed attempts at humor, and wishing that I Have a Comcastic Day. It felt like I was using the old Eliza program.

    Why was I using live chat? Because I cancelled my service and returned all of my equipment, yet Comcast insisted I still owed money, so every time I called to get my bill corrected I was dumped into the “pay right now, m*therf*cker!” queue – in which my only options were to pay online for free, pay with a check or credit card for $2.99, or talk to a live human for $5.99. No frakking way was I going to pay almost 6 bucks to a CSR to get credited for returned equipment. I tried emailing Comcast and they suggested using live chat…

    • doctor_cos wants you to remain calm says:

      Their email support is not much better. I have problems with a SINGLE CHANNEL, and explained as much in the email form. I get the generic ‘reception problems’ response, and ‘please chat with customer care’ . . . ?

      Will the chat ‘bot’ understand that reception issues on a single channel are not indicative of a problem at my end, rather at the head end…? Hello? McFly?

    • FreshyFresh says:

      That’s because the CSR is provided with some pre-written responses (most places call them “Canned phrases”) which are supposed to save time typing, and also be uniform. They can type as well, but the use of the canned responses is encouraged, as the CSRs are timed on live chat just as they are on phone calls. ( I’ve worked in several CS call centers over the years, (but never Comcast) and live chat sessions were always my favorite thing to do. One time I had 6 different customer chats going at once, and kept every one of them straight. There *are* some of us who know WTF we are doing :D )

  20. MedicallyNeedy says:

    IRS agents have aliases. Why not Comcast reps. They can piss you off just as much!