The Manliest Pants Of All Time

Yes, they’re Barracuda pants—the only trousers that remind you, and anyone within eyesight, that you have a penis.

The copy says: “Male makes pure man stuff… like bold and brawny Barracuda slacks with swing-around pocket styling. They cling like a girl in the dark. Won’t wrinkle—they’re permanently pressed! Rarer fabrics…richer colors…better tailoring…modest prices…all yours at better stores throughout the Free World. Go look them over. You’ll buy an armload.


I think my favorite part about this retro magazine ad is that these super manly manly pants are available “at better stores throughout the Free World.” That’s as priceless as the placement of the guy is unfortunate.

(Image: SA_Steve)


Edit Your Comment

  1. bloggerX says:

    Do they come in a 42/44 waist???

  2. Coles_Law says:

    They look like a younger version of the dancing couple on the Viagra commercials. Exactly what I want superimposed on my crotch.

  3. barb95 says:

    They cling like a girl in the dark? Why, because girls are scared of the dark? Sheesh!

  4. sir_eccles says:

    A pair of them and a quick splash of Sex Panther and you’ll be good to go.

  5. Yoko Broke Up The Beatles says:

    Save yourself money; put a rolled-up sock down the front.

  6. LastVigilante says:

    Honestly at first glance I thought the guy in the ad was giving that girl a backhanded smack upside the head. “How dare you insult my skin-tight pants, they’re exciting!” POW!!

  7. Paladin_11 says:

    “Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong? It’s swell to have a stiffy, it’s divine to own a dick, from the tiniest little tadger to the world’s biggest prick… “

  8. TheOrtega says:

    It almost looks like the man is about to roundhouse kick the lady behind him.

  9. Nytmare says:

    Great snuggling grape smugglers.

  10. SaraFimm says:

    Someone please explain Barracuda pants to me. As a woman, I obviously don’t seem to get the reference.

  11. LatherRinseRepeat says:

    Those pants look too tight. I think that guy became sterile after wearing them.

    • pojken says:

      @LatherRinseRepeat: Tight pants with tight legs are the fashion now (at least in Europe, which means they’ll be in the US next year). Everyone here is wearing them… which is very enjoyable to look at. Hehehe…

      The pants in the ad are actually quite nice. I want some!

  12. humperdinck says:

    It looks like she’s chasing after him. Is he a purse-snatcher? I’m no criminal, but I don’t think Barracuda pants are well suited for crime.

  13. winnabago says:

    Looks like it was designed by Sterling Cooper.

  14. 89macrunner says:

    if these pants are real i will rock them.

  15. PalmBayChuck says:

    They’re like the plastic pants my dad used to buy me in the 80’s, from K-mart I think. In my opinion, denim shouldn’t stretch much.

  16. TVarmy says:

    I once wore a baggy pair of cheap khakis. The whole day people mistook me for a woman and called me “miss.” It was embarrassing and emasculating.


  17. David in Brasil says:

    If I recall correctly, Eldridge Cleaver (yes, of Black Panther fame) invented some pants in the 70s, called “Cleavers” that came with a visible codpiece. Yep, there you’d be, swinging in the wind for the whole world to see. He called it the “appurtence”.

  18. valen says:

    As a male, I have always preferred dresses and skirts to pants.

  19. mavrick67 says:

    I can see them creating this ad in a “Mad Men” episode

  20. ellemm says:

    Well, I, um,…oh jebus! I really don’t know WHAT to say after seeing the Eldridge Cleaver ad. I guess he could tie an onion to his belt ’cause it was the style at the time. Or maybe two onions?

  21. ThePrettiestStar says:

    These pants may have come first, but it was 1986 David Bowie from the movie Labyrinth that truly popularized tight pants that emphasize “the area”.