Culturally bankrupt shoppers are now buying twice as many forks as knives, according to a British department store. The Brits blame the erosion of their cherished culture on “the American habit of using a single fork.” And that’s not all. Apparently we’re also ruining their understanding and respect for the elegant tradition of proper place settings.
In a study by Debenhams, almost 32 per cent of customers said they bought fewer knives specifically because they now preferred using forks on their own.
An additional 24 per cent were baffled by place settings, while 28 per cent did not possess fish knives and saw no reason for buying them.
Nineteen per cent could not tell the difference between a soup spoon and a dessert spoon.
The retailer is launching a Civilised Dining Campaign to protect the traditional British way of eating (and promote itself in the process).
“Using both a knife and a fork to eat has held this country in good stead for centuries. It’s one of the mainstays of being British,” said its spokesman, Ed Watson.
“It’s about maintaining standards, before the single fork habit becomes ingrained in the next generation. Bad table manners can turn an enjoyable meal into an embarrassment.”
Fish knives? Dessert spoons? Silly British folk. Here’s what we don’t understand: metal utensils? They’re so expensive! Why not go plastic utensil shopping in your Chinese takeout bag? They’re giving them away for free, people! Oh well, we’ll get there eventually. At least we’re on the right path.