This chat transcript from “Yet Another Girl”‘s blog is an example of how sometimes you can find exactly the answer you’re looking for on a customer service chat. Unfortunately, in this case, you’ll do all of the work yourself while the chat agent stares numbly at the screen, wondering how did I end up here? I don’t even know what this “apple” thing is!

You are chatting with {Name Withheld to Protect… Something}, an Apple Expert:

Hi, my name is {Name Withheld to Protect… Something}. Welcome to Apple!

{Me}: I need a new doohickey; TSA lost my old one.
{Me}: I need the thingy that you use to connect a mac laptop to a pc projctor/monitor
{Me}: obviously i dont know what it’s called
{Me}: thus I can’t find it.
{Me}: and then once I know what it is, I need to know if the apple store by the mall by my house has it

*** 60 second pause ***

{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Good afternoon.
{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: I’m happy to assist with that.
{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Would you like a link to the local Apple STore.

{Me}: I need to know what the thing is called firsty

{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: One moment while I research that for you.
{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Are you trying to hook your Mac to a projector? Explain to me exactly what you are doing.

{Me}: yes
{Me}: i have a mac laptop and we have projectors for pc
{Me}: the connector for the projector is the same as if I was hooking the mac laptop up to a pc monitor

{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Did you have a plug that you previously attached?
{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: What type of prong was on the projector for input or output?

{Me}: i don’t know what you mean by plug. I had a small white cable, one end hooked up to my laptop on the mac side and one end hooked up to the monitor/projector
{Me}: the pc end looked like pc monitor connectors have always looked. the mac side has a bunch of square looking slots at one end
{Me}: that cable fell out of my bag at airport security
{Me}: or my dog ate it. anyway, it’s gone and now I can’t hook up to anything.

{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: One moment while I research that for you.

*** several minutes go by***

{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Thank you for your patience.

****several more minutes go by, I stop sending emails and try some more searches***

{Me}: i think i found it.
{Me}: On my own.
{Me}: http://store.apple.com/us/product/M8754G/A?mco=MTIxODk3Mw

***60 second pause***

{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Perfect.
{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Would you like me to place it in a cart for you?

(this is one of the stupider offers of help ever, I just found something faster than you did, I think I can click the “add to cart button”.)

{Me}: No, I need the phone number for the Mac store in South Pointe mall in Durham, NC.
{Me}: I don’t want to pay shipping.

{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: I will gladly send you a link so that you may contact them directly, one moment
{Name Withheld to Protect… Something}: Click Here

(Thanks for nothing. A link to the site I’m ALREADY ON. Way to go.)

You will note I never got what I wanted — them to check the inventory without me calling the store and find out if they had it in stock.

I think I’m going to order the $1.94 knock-off on Amazon, instead. It’s got $2.95 shipping, but that’s a net of $15.00 less than Apple…

(Photo: Getty)

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