Bad Customers And The Stupid Things They Say

Our reader Eyebrows McGee pointed us to a fun, albeit slightly depressing (if you’re concerned about the future of the human race) website called, where retail veterans post transcripts of their worst customer interactions. Read for fun, but also for examples of how not to behave as a consumer.

Me: “Can I help you?”
Customer:“I’m looking for non-fiction.”
Me:“What kind?”
Customer: “Just non-fiction.”
Me: “Okay…do you want history? Or science? Psychology??Business?”
Customer: “No, just NON-FICTION!”

Customer: “Tell me; is your cleaning solution toxic?”
Me: “You mean the stuff we use to clean fresh ear piercings?”
Customer: “Yah, that stuff.
Me: “Well no sir, I don’t believe it’s toxic. There isn’t really anything in here that–”
Customer: “–because I ingested a whole bunch of it!”
Me: “Why?”
Customer: “I was out of mouth wash. I needed mouth wash.”
Me: “But it isn’t mouth wash…it’s used to clean piercings…”
Customer: “I know, do you think I’m stupid?! That’s why I’m worried!”

Customer:“These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”
Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them, you insert them rectally.”
Customer: “What does that mean?”
Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”
Customer: “What’s my rectum?”
Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butt hole.”
Customer: “Well up yours too!” *stalks off*

(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient “up yours” and get away with it!)