It was a dark and stormy night, and the Consumerist team was hunkered down at HQ poring over leads. Suddenly, we heard a ruckus coming from the alley. Footsteps, followed by the sound of breaking glass and a cat crying out as if to say, “OMGWTF?” We ran out to see who it was, but by the time we got there they were long gone. Only the noise of faint footsteps could be heard dissolving into the distant hum of the night. I glanced down and spotted something on the ground. As I knelt down to pick it up I saw it was a tattered white envelope bearing the words, “7 Confessions of an Apple Mac Specialist.” Its contents, inside…

7. iPods have two fixes. Resetting and Restoring.
If both of those features do not work, your iPod is trash. Unless it’s under warranty or you purchased AppleCare, then they will give you two options. First is to trade in your iPod for 10% off any model (except shuffle), or they will give you out of warranty replacement, Which usually means that you will pay around $100-$250 depending on the model you purchased.

6. We have 4 things that we will try to sell you when you purchase a computer.
AppleCare, of course, is your extended 3 year warranty, we are told to sell it as a service plan, but it does not do ANYTHING extra, but extend your warranty, and does not cover anything extra. .Mac is a ripoff unless you use the web site hosting. ProCare has to be the biggest ripoff. All this does is upgrade your AppleCare for one year. It has a little perk for business uses, but otherwise useless. Lastly, One-to-One training, which is the best deal in the store.

5. If you have a return outside of the return policy we will most likely take care of you.
If it’s sealed we’ll take it back, and open, if you speak to a manager and plead your case, they will most likely take care of you no matter what.

4. We do not know ANYTHING about when some product will come out.
And we aren’t allowed to speculate on anything that isn’t on apple.com. We can get fired if we even tell a customer that a 3G iPhone might come out.

3. Apple Employment: If you want full-time, do not get into this company.
To be full-time, it is a recommendation that you be with the company for a year or more. The shifts are horrible, and they typically have more than 100 people working in a single mall store. For part-time you can get anywhere to 4-20 hours in one week, very very unreliable.”

2. Why we will ask you for your e-mail at checkout.
This is for two reasons. One, we will send your receipt to your email, and two there is a survey at the bottom of the email. This leads to the store being ranked on what is called detractors and promoters. The company takes an average from the surveys and ranks us. 10-9 is a promoter, 8-7 is a “passive” and 6 below is a detractor. Which leads to the next confession.

1. If you fill out the survey and rank us 6 or lower, a manager will call you the same day or the next, corporate policy.
They usually will ask why you had a bad experience, and offer to make it better, usually by discounting something or another for you. These are directly related to the salesperson who checked you out, so we get our asses reamed when we make a detractor. Also, If you complain to a manager, nothing usually gets done, it goes in one ear and out the other. Buy something very small, have them email your receipt, and fill out the survey. The management will wait on you hand and foot. Oh, and return the product.

(Photo: madmarch)

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