Wired took a peek under Cool Whip’s sheets, and the results are not appetizing. Mandatory food labels ostensibly exist to empower consumers; when companies label ingredients with their scientific names, rather than their common names, consumers can wind up eating lube, or as it’s called in Cool Whip, Polysorbate 60. From Wired:

Polysorbate 60
Polysorbates are made by polymerizing ethylene oxide (a precursor to antifreeze) with a sugar alcohol derivative. The result can be a detergent, an emulsifier, or, in the case of polysorbate 60, a major ingredient in some sexual lubricants.

Shame we never got to hear Charlton Heston exclaim: “Cool Whip is Lube!” — CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER

A delicious blend of sugar, wax, and condom lube. [Wired]

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.