Jump Lines At Verizon Stores

A great hack for dealing with the interminable queues at Verizon Wireless stores.

“Let’s say my cell phone has mysteriously stopped displaying numbers on the screen. The first thing I do is to feed my four year-old son and two year-old daughter cookies for breakfast. Then, when my wife is not watching, we play a quick game I like to call “Who Can Drink Daddy’s Coffee?”…

After unleashing the heathens in store to disassemble store signs and bang on all the cell phone models, he mysteriously finds himself bumped up from 19 to first in line. Once there…

The customer service agent eyes me warily and says, “I think your son is peeing in our fake plants.”

I shrug. “Unfortunately, my wife and I cannot guarantee parental coverage in all areas. Please try again later.”

It’s Pronounced Nah-No-Bite” [Grim Richard’s Irregulars]


Edit Your Comment

  1. Trae says:

    See, here’s the thing. As a person who has been another customer in a store with someone’s out of control children running around, it completely destroys my day.

    Not to mention, the low level employees who have to deal with this guy and his children aren’t the ones who created the policies that would (neither did they create the line caused by higher ups not hiring enough staff).

    So, in other words, his “solution” to not waiting in line is to inconvenience every other customer even more, and to ruin the dday of some guy barely making more than minimum wage.

    Well, bra-friggin’-vo.

    Oh, and I hope the peeing was hyperbole – as public urination is illegal last time I checked.

  2. pete says:

    I really hope this is tongue-in-cheek.
    If not, then this guy is a major-league asshole.

  3. Ben Popken says:

    It is. Note the “facetious” tag.

  4. Kornkob says:

    On the other hand, if it DID in fact work, it would show some decent customer service on the part of Cingular.

    The only thing more annoying than standing in line– standing in line while some jerk’s kids are running around screaming. Sometimes I think that the parents of unruly children in public should be roudned up and collectively spanked and sent to their rooms without dinner.

  5. saintjohnson says:

    I was hoping it was true.
    Just another way to use sex as a weapon.

  6. AppTechie says:

    Frankly, that is just hilarious!!

  7. acambras says:

    I loved it!

  8. junkmail says:

    Agreed. Normally I’d be disgusted with this type of behavior from a parent, but in this case, it’s a perfect response to a ridiculous situation. I know it’s probably tongue-in-cheek, but it gives me the same warm, fuzzy feeling as shipping a few pounds of junkmail in a business reply envelope.

  9. 24fan24 says:

    “Unfortunately, my wife and I cannot guarantee parental coverage in all areas. Please try again later.”


  10. Triteon says:

    Love it! Though if this had happened at Cingular the clerks would have dropped them– the kids were roaming too much.

  11. incandescent25 says:

    This guy is an asshole. But i wouldn’t pay attention since i would have twenty other irrate customers after him yelling at me about stuff i can’t do anything about. I work at cingular and have had this happen. I don’t like the smell of piss, it’s bull shit that i have to smell it because some douche thinks he has the right to attempt to teach us a lesson. truthfuly fucking with a peon of a large corporation is as effective as pissing on a forest fire. if you really don’t like the customer service say you can’t get service or do something to make them cancel your contract. you don’t have to pee.