Bunnyspatial wrote to us about a local Hardee’s that was conducting business with its water turned off, and the fascinating implications that raises:

1) How were they mopping the floor?
2) How were they cleaning the counters?
3) How were they washing the dishes?
4) How were they washing their hands after taking dump?

I imagine the answer, much to our horror, is the same solution I turned to when my water was turned off: Windex everything.

When Bunny called Hardee’s Corporate and asked them how one of their restaurants could possibly be doing business without running water, they responded: “That’s a very good question.” Isn’t it, though?

Bunny’s email, after the jump.

There’s a Hardee’s down the street from where I work that I am positive only turns a profit at all because it is much easier to turn right off of Main Street. I head there every once in awhile when I have to leave the house too quickly to have a delicious bowl of Frankenberry, the cereal specifically made for grown ups whose parents never let them eat it. Some sort of temporal cereal paradox marketing strategy, but I digress.

This morning the local Hardee’s was taking a little extra time to get the food together. I ordered a breakfast burrito combo with a Diet Coke, only to be told that they were completely out of soft drinks. Ooookay. Specifically: “We are out of fountain drinks, but we do have tea and orange juice.” Odd. Perhaps they were robbed. Perhaps there was a gigantic ordering screw-up. Things happen. I shrug, get my total, and pull around.

I wait at the window for a good five minutes once I get there, watching the nice little old lady who works there puttering about randomly. I am not sure if this is true for all Hardee’s stores, but this one seems to attract the extremely elderly in droves. It’s like a very subdued version of Dawn of the Dead in there.

Finally a shaking hand delivers me a sack of foodstuffs, and an apology. “Sorry about the wait. We’ve had our water turned off – they didn’t get our check on time – and it is very tough for the store to function without it.” No worries! Been in that situation before myself! With a cheery wave, I drive off.

And then I make the mistake of thinking. How are these people washing their hands? Moping the floor? Cleaning the counters? Washing dishes? How the hell can a restaurant run without water!? The restrooms alone must be hideous! Granted, 95% of this location’s customers either have bag or diaper bathroom solutions in effect, but it only takes 5% to make a waterless bathroom a nightmare.

Wait, did she say they had tea? How the hell are they making tea!?

I ended up calling Hardee’s corporate to ask, “How can one of your stores operate without water?” Their reply? “That’s a really good question.” They passed my concerns upwards and are mailing me some free coupons for food that I don’t think I can ever imagine eating again. If that old cashier only told me as an afterthought, how many people didn’t know at all? Does this sort of thing happen a lot?

On a positive note, my mother suggested I eat the food and then poop in a cup if I get sick. My mom rocks.

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