Six Flag’s Great America. Ah, those halcyon days of youth, strapped to one of the American Eagle’s dual trains with only a lapbar and someone else’s mom to keep your skinny ass from bouncing the hell out of the car. Oh, the memories.

Oh, the lines.

If only there was a way to skip them. To ride Batman: The Ride over and over and over… To risk contracting jock itch from Iron Wolf… To crack your C1 on The Demon…

Brownlee’s mother (yes, really) writes us:

“Most kids hate waiting in line, John was no exception. When he discovered that the disabled went to the head of the line at many amusement parks, he urged me to break out an old cane (from a teenage (mine) injury) and bring it to Canobie Lake Park. After my stroke, he offered to take me to Disney World in Florida, and push the wheelchair (which I don’t need). Now he can do it on his own, and give new meaning to “The Consumerist”

Of course he will have to go through PETA protests, and eat a cockroach for each line jump.

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