The halcyon days of jumping into your rusty Impala with your teenage bride and driving off to Vegas to get married by Black Elvis at dawn in Vegas are soon to be forever gone.

Starting next Wednesday, Las Vegas will only marry the drunk and stupid between 8am to Midnight, seven days a week. Concern mounts that this will damper Las Vegas’ reputation as Marriage Capital of the World.

“They just can’t run down to the bureau at 3:05 and be married by 3:10. They have to give just a little thought to the process,” said County Clerk Shirley Parraguirre. Who is this ‘they’ Shirley is talking about? Apparently, Hollywood Celebrities like Bruce Willis and Britney Spears, who only feel safe from paparazzi getting married at 4am, reeking of booze and poor spontaneous decisions.

Vegas Closing 24-Hour Marriage Office [ABC] (Thanks, Mark!)

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