Just stop trying, McDonald’s. Go back to selling unhealthy cheese burgers, dripping with fat; tall gelatinous shakes, so cold and sweet they give brain freeze along with diabetes to all who taste them. That’s what you did best. You never should have caved to the vegetarians, the health-conscious, the Spurlock Collective: just told them to eat somewhere else.

Because really, ever since it started trying to prove to everyone that they are into healthy lifestyles, McDonald’s is running around like a chicken with its head lopped off. Case in point: McDonald’s are starting to roll out what they are calling ‘gyms’ to children between the ages of 4 and 12.

“McDonald’s, with its wide variety of menu choices at various nutritional profiles, now also offers a variety of activity for children that promotes exercise and physical fitness,” said Bonnie Modguno, registered dietitian and McDonald’s consultant. “It’s important for kids to eat a well balanced diet but it is equally important for them to play. Now, parents can bring their kids to McDonald’s to accomplish both.”

The gyms sound pretty cool, actually: bikes attached to video games, dance pads, basketball hoops, monkey bars, an obstacle course and a load of other games. We’d love this shit when we were kids. The problem is calling it a gym, which confuses and raises expectations for what it really is: a revamped play zone.

McDonald’s adds gyms to restaurants [Fast Food News]

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.