Fly First Class With Human Waste

Matt and his family were on an Aloha airlines flight from sunny San Diego to sunnier Maui. However, when he arrived at his seat, it was not the scent fresh coconut milk pouring from the gourds of hula girls that filled his nostrils. Rather, it was the smell of vomit.

Aloha, indeed!

In this letter perhaps is another sneaky way to get into first class: carry around bags of encrusted human excretions and strategically place them around your seat.

Matt writes:

“This actually happened over 2 weeks ago, but just got around to emailing you guys.

My sister and I (and the rest of my family) were on an Aloha flight from San Diego to Maui. When we first sat down and put on our seatbelts, we noticed the very putrid smell of vomit. Upon further inspection, we noticed there were dried chunks on the seat in front of us. Not only that, my sister’s seatbelt had some smeared grossness on it as well. Troopers that we are, we didn’t notify the stewardess just yet because we were already slightly delayed and didn’t wanna hinder our arrival in Paradise. After about 20 minutes, we reached cruising altitude and hit the call button.

We both got out of our seats and showed her. She was dismayed to say the least and went to fetch some Club Soda to scrub the crap out. She did her best with what she had, but the smell was still there and we weren’t down to sit another 5 hours in those seats.

I was all primed to launch into attack mode, maybe drop the name of this very website unless we weren’t compensated, when the stewardess offered me and my sis immediate upgrades into first class. Almost immediately, we were whisked to the front of the plane and pampered for the rest of the flight. It seriously was just like that Seinfeld episode. I made good use of it and had plenty of wine to make the flight a very smooth ride. Everyone else in our party was none too happy with us for getting the free upgrade, but screw ’em.

I really have to hand it to team on board. They really took care of us and handled the situation very well. Aside from their janitorial work, the service was quite excellent.

By the way, I attached pics of the puke.



Thanks, Matt. Stay classy.