When he’s not inventing pre-pixellated shirts for reality TV or skewering random acts of emphasis in Delta’s Sky Magazine, blogger Ironicsans sometimes has to take a call or two. If only Verizon would let him.

Mr. Ironicsans wanted to get his calls forwarded to his cell from his home phone if he didn’t pick up after a certain number of rings. Should have been a simple operation but Verizon wanted to play a little ring-around-the rosie… ashes, ashes, they all can’t get their shit together…

Ironicsans writes:

“I wanted to add a simple service to my home phone number, so that if I don’t answer after a set number of rings, it will forward to my cell phone. That should be easy, right? I called Verizon and went through the process of pressing this-button-then-that-button and sitting on hold for a while. Eventually I was able to put in my request.

“What number would you like that forwarded to?”

“917-555-8000” (obviously not my real number, but I’m using it for story-telling purposes)

“Okay.”

The next day, I tested it. But instead of forwarding to my cell phone, it gave an error: “We’re sorry. You must first dial a 1 when calling this number.”

Back through the process of pressing this-button-then-that-button and sitting on hold for a while. I got another Verizon person. I told him my story.

“I don’t think I’m supposed to put a 1 in there, but I’ll do it. See if that makes a difference.” Again, he verified my new phone number.

“1-917-555-8000”

I tested it. It didn’t forward to my cell phone, but it didn’t give an error message. Instead it forwarded to a Spanish speaking answering machine somewhere.

Back through the process of pressing this-button-then-that-button and sitting on hold for a while. I got another Verizon person. I told him my story. I asked him to tell me what phone number they’re forwarding to.

“1-917-555-5000.”

“No! It’s 8000, not 5000!” He apologized and said he’d fix it for me.

I tested it. It didn’t forward to my cell phone, and it didn’t give an error message, and it didn’t give me the Spanish answering machine. Instead it forwarded to some random woman’s cell phone who was sympathetic to my Verizon troubles.

Back through the process of pressing this-button-then-that-button and sitting on hold for a while. I got another Verizon person. I told her my story. I asked her to tell me what phone number they’re forwarding to.

“1-917-555-9000.”

“No! It’s 8000, not 9000!” She apologized and said she’d fix it for me.

I tested it. Finally, after an absurd amount of effort on my part for what should have been a very simple request, I got my phone forwarded properly. How can one company have so many incompetent, poorly trained people working all at one time? Too often it falls on the customer to doublecheck the work of the service provider. What ever happened to getting things right the first, second, or third time?”

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