Trends is perhaps one of the more hypnotically useless applications to come out of the Google hive mind lately. For example, Google Trends confirmed what Ben and I already knew: we need to infuse this site with a lot more porn, if we’re going to get more visitors from cities like Elmhurst, Illinois. Specifically anal porn, because not only is Elmhurst the most smut minded of all American cities according to Google Trends, but they are also the city most interested in sodomy.

Elmhurst, Illinois, is apparently way into sex. Or at least the idea of sex (googling that hugely broad term returns a decidedly unsexy array of sites, including those for “Sex and the City,” the Sex Pistols, Playboy.com, the National Sex Offender Registry and Sex Addicts Anonymous — not exactly a steaming cup o’ hot titillation).

But that’s not all. Elmhurst has darker, juicier secrets. Turns out Elmhurst is also, at least for 2006, the town most actively looking up “anal sex” (followed closely by Norfolk, Va., and, of course, San Antonio, Texas). And also “porn.” And also “gay porn” (just ahead of Las Vegas). And also “vibrator.” Do you sense a trend? I sense a trend. And also someplace I might need to get a summer home.

What does this say about Elmhurst? What does this say about small towns across the United States? What do you think it says? Because that’s pretty much what it says.

Elmhurst, Illinois… our kind of town!

Elmhurst, Ill., Loves Gay Porn [SFGate]
Previously: Google Trends Forecasts Our Watery Demise

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