A late Saint Patrick’s day for you: Slate is taking a look at the construction of “traditional Irish pubs” across the world.

For the last fifteen years, The Irish Pub Concept (or IPCo) has been “authentically” assembling Irish pubs for Saudi Emirate oil barons, Japanese businessman, Brazilian entrepreneurs and Gabonese mall owners. For a couple hundred thou, IPCo will create your pub within Ireland, replete with Gaelic street signs, obnoxious Pogue twarbling and wall-hangings ranging from hundred year old Guinness advertisements (available for purchase at any Dublin Airport gift kiosk) to the perennial faux-Irish-pub favorite, the hanging stone wheel. They’ll even staff it with some Micks for you, for extra authenticity. After all, everyone loves the Irish pub — it’s big business.

Meanwhile, the indigenous Irish have begun turning more to cosmopolitan bars and nightclubs. Why? Because Irish people used to not have a choice but to go drink in the same pubs where their fathers had first knocked up their mothers; where they had to endure the back poundings of overzealous football knackers all night; where the bartender never would just shut-up with that fucking Danny Boy 8-Track already; where the floor was perpetually coated with a tarry grease and where the only thing preventing the ethereal reek of five decades worth of spilled vomit from entering their nostrils was to shove a fag in every orifice and start huffing.

Irish people now have the choice to go to a nice nightclub or go to a more continental wine bar instead… and, more importantly, finally have the money to do it. The traditional Irish Pub experience, after all, was never about the pub — it was about the drinking culture… of going out, buying a pint and casting out a net, drawing in a broad catch of friends and acquaintances and strangers and just having some craic. And — contrary to the beliefs of those who lap up pint after pint at pubs parodying the Irish experience — you can do that one place as well as another.

Ireland’s “Crack” Habit [Slate] (Props to Slate for misspelling craic in the headline!)

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.