I hope we’re not editorializing too much by calling these people weirdos, but let’s have a look at the facts provided by the Bennington, VT police department: The alleged weirdos ran 450′ of extension cord across a Home Depot parking lot in order to power an electric drill that they planned to use to steal the giant chili pepper off of a Chili’s. Weirdos, right? That’s fair, isn’t it?
silly
Man 'Makes It Rain' On L.A. Freeway, Causes Traffic Jam
By 8.17.09
Who says you’ve got to be an enfant terrible pro athlete to make it rain? A plain old 56-year-old man Los Angeles authorities describe as “disturbed” took it upon himself to send dollar bills a-soaring on L.A.’s westbound 210 Sunday as he drove down the freeway.
7 Restaurant Dishes That Are Too Embarrassing To Order By Name
By 8.10.09
Perhaps you have noticed that restaurants like to give their food interesting names. Perhaps you have also avoided ordering the food by its interesting name because it’s completely ridiculous. We looked through dozens of chain-restaurant menus to find the 7 most painful-to-order names out there. Enjoy.
Mouse Builds Expensive Nest Inside ATM
By 8.9.09
A mouse snuck into an ATM at a gas station in eastern Oregon and made what had to have been an adorable little home out of sixteen $20 bills. Nobody knows how Scrooge McMouse got into the ATM, but after giving the station attendant a good scare, he was fished out of his money pit and set free.
When Billboards Collide
By 8.3.09
It’s funny when something accidental happens in advertising, like when billboards that shouldn’t be next to each other are put up. We always suspected the placement of religious billboards are intentional, but we’re really not sure about Cat Jesus. Yes, Cat Jesus.
Reasons To Enter That Office Lottery Pool
By 7.29.09
Lotteries are bad news — regressive tax systems that nickel-and-dime the poor to raise money for public necessities such as school by dangling the false hope of riches before the unwashed masses.
Alabama Bans Wine Bottle For Giving It The Vapors
By 7.27.09
I swan! [Fans face.] Sweet magnolia breeze! I do declare! [Clutches petticoat in pre-swoon anticipation.] Alabama is in a dither over a drawing of a nude nymph on a wine bottle label, so they’ve banned the product from being sold. Their liquor regulations forbid the display of “a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner” on any alcohol packaging. We have to side with Alabama on this one—after all, we’re not sure you can ride a bike naked without eventually doing something immoral, whether you mean to or not.
Capital One: Your Account Is 0 Months Past Due, But Don't Worry — It Can Happen To Anyone
By 7.15.09
A Capital One robot has been calling reader Catherine but she’s been ignoring their calls. Then, today, she checked her account and found out that she was “0 payments past due.”
Verizon's New Marketing Pitch: Squirrels Eat Old Phone Lines So Upgrade To FiOS For Guaranteed Service!
By 6.21.09
Verizon told Debbie that upgrading to FiOS was the only way to guarantee uninterrupted phone service because apparently, Verizon’s old copper lines are no match for the insatiable appetite of copper-munching squirrels. Never mind that FiOS doesn’t work during a blackout for more than a few hours, or that Debbie’s problem had nothing to do with hungry squirrels…
Target Is Somewhat Liberal When It Comes To "Kids" Programming
By 6.15.09
Hey, where was Target back in the day when our parents were looking for a babysitter? The one we had wouldn’t let us watch anything cool. Certainly not anything with a huge “CENSORED” sticker on the front of it.
Help, Dell Won't Ask UPS To Trace My Lost Monitor!
By 6.13.09
UPS’ website promises that they will deliver Corey’s Dell Vizio 37″ LCD monitor tomorrow, which would be exciting, except the website has said the same thing every day for the past two weeks. UPS’ customer service representatives insist that the package is lost and that Dell needs to initiate a trace. Dell would be happy to accommodate—who wouldn’t want to trace a lost package?—but their customer service representative claims that it’s Dell policy not to initiate a trace until 48 hours after the scheduled delivery date, which according to UPS, is tomorrow.
Shell Introduces Ice Cream That You Can Grill With
By 6.12.09
It looks like Shell has finally figured out a way to combine the awesomeness of ice cream with the grilling power of propane. It probably doesn’t taste very good, though. (Thanks to swarrior216!)
Angry Bees Attack New York GameStop
By 5.24.09
A swarm of bees gathered yesterday outside the GameStop in Union Square, possibly to demand a higher trade-in value for their games. Store employees were trapped inside for hours and eventually hung a sign reading: “Look! … closed due to bee infestation.”
Drunk American Airlines Pilot Arrested Before Transatlantic Flight
By 5.23.09
London police arrested an American Airlines pilot twenty minutes before he was scheduled to fly 204 passengers from London to Chicago. 57-year-old Captain Joseph Crites was four-times over the legal alcohol limit and reeking of booze when he tried to enter his Boeing 777’s cockpit.
In Which A TV Reporter Pretends To Be A Total Cellphone Jackass
By 5.15.09
While it is certainly not breaking news that people act like total jackasses when they’re on their cellphones, we nevertheless felt compelled to bring to you the following clip of WGN’s Pat Tomasulo acting like said jackasses on the streets of Chicago.
Barnes & Noble Shelves "Diary of Anne Frank," "Guiness Book of World Records" Under Fiction
By 5.9.09
When reader Lynn asked an employee at the Tyson’s Corner Barnes & Noble in McLean, VA why the Diary of Anne Frank and the Guiness Book of World Records were shelved under fiction, he jokingly responded: “Some Albanian probably put it there.” Good one, Barnes & Noble!!! Full picture, inside.
Breaking $20 $50 At McDonald's? Get Ready To Show Some ID
By 5.9.09
Who pays for a six-piece McNugget with a $20 $50 bill? Counterfeiters, that’s who, and the McDonald’s near Madison Square Garden is ready for them. Sorry guys, you’re going to have to ask Wendy’s to anonymously break your shadily large bills.
Kmart Prices For The Apocalypse Today
By 5.8.09
Reader James assures us that this is not the normal price for a couple medium-sized propane cylinders, and wonders if Kmart knows something he doesn’t.
